ok, so this wasn’t the clip that I was looking for, but it’s awesome to know that the things that kill me kill Maury too! Kudos to him, I don’t know how he manages to keep a straight face. Ever. LMAO!!

Not the most intellectual of shows, I know, but I watch Maury like it’s going out of style. But there are a few things that kill me about this show, especially considering how long it’s been airing for. As a little intellectual relief from time to time, I’m going to feature another little tidbit of Maury Madness, which will feature one of these “it kills Ruby” things. Today’s topic is:

Lie Detector Test Results

There are several things about these shows that irk me, but mainly you have

a) The men who have the nerve to sit there after the results come out and say “Nahhh. I ain’t never cheated. The test was a lie!”. Ok, dude, lets be serious for five seconds. She knew you were cheating, which is why your ass is on the show to begin with, so clearly you bait yourself out with indicators that are plainly visible to the naked eye. And you decided that what? Unlike the other 99.9% of men who fail the lie detector test that you would be the one who could fool it? I mean, after all of your extensive years of military training where you learned to carefully mediate and control every innate physiological response to lying I can understand why you thought you were special enough to fool the hell outta that thing. Oh…you have no specialized training? Cause if you did you WOULDN’T be on the show to begin with cause your girl wouldn’t have any evidence of your cheating to begin with? Thought so.

Ruby suggests: If you know you’re lying, just assume like all these other guys that the lie detector test is gonna out you. If you’re going for the free trip to Conneticut, then by all means have a great time. Otherwise, fess up at home, or refuse to go. If you must see if you have nerves of steel, once you’re caught, you’re caught. Finally be a man and just admit you did wrong.

b) The women who, when Maury reads something like “We asked John if when he comes home with lipstick on his boxers if it was because he was out cheating. He said no, and the lie detector determined that was a lie” go running off of the stage, sobbing hysterically, where they collapse, all a mess, into a ball in the corner, shirt all askew, hair all wild, one shoe off. Like, seriously? You are that shocked? Aren’t ON the show to begin with to get confirmation of what you already knew deep down? I mean, what’s with the hysterics? I’m not sure what these women are trying to do, perhaps make him feel so bad, so guilty, that she has been so badly hurt by him, but really it just seems like they’re putting on a show and doing what they think is expected of him.

Ruby Suggests: If you’re honestly so dim that you really and truly thought that the 700 million signs you’ve gotten over the past 3 months that he has been unfaithful was just all in your head, seriously, seek counselling. Not relationship counselling, personal counselling. You need to screw your head back on properly. For the rest of y’all, ladies, we don’t always have to break down into hysterics and drama everytime we feel a wee bit upset, hurt, or betrayed. Emotions aren’t supposed to be a show, they’re supposed to be something we feel.

Please, PLEASE, check yourself next time…if you heard some devastating news while you were at work, would you go on so? No, you might quietly excuse yourself though and get to a personal corner and let out some tears. Or ask to go home so you don’t embarass yourself by losing it. And if it was something you already knew about? You’d take a couple deep breaths and move on. Try and apply this to everything, because going on so just embarassed you not only in front of your workplace, but in front of all of North America. Just saying.

Am I alone in this? lol

Cheers