…Or so suggests many women who engage in legalized forms of prostitution. From talk-show exclusives to magazines to documentaries, the legalized sex trade has been all the rage as of lately. And who can really blame to media for capitalizing on the newest lifestyle trend to hit North America: guilt-free sexual activity. From pointers on keeping physically and emotionally safe before, during, and after one night stands, to ways in which women can keep their sex drives at max 24-7, to more scandalous things like the rise in sexting and real-life amateur pornography making its way to the world wide web, sex seems to be the newest cause of and solution to all of life’s problems (coming in second only to drugs and alcohol…which certainly have never obtained such global acceptance and wide ranges of age groups glamourizing it). Being a woman who is in touch with herself sexually and takes pride in herself and her sex life does not a prostitute make. Or so us non-professional prostitutes keep fooling ourselves into believing. However, with the rise of sex in the media has been a rise in the amount of professionals in the sex and sex-trade industries, many of who have publicly stated that they are doing no more than what other women are doing quite regularly…they’re just hated on cause they get MUCH more from their tactics.

OK, so for those of you who haven’t caught some of the recent Cosmo magazine articles or the talk shows like Tyra on legalized prostitutes, or women who barter sex for goods and services, or “sugar babies”, I decided to provide you with a Tyra segment on “sugar babies” just to get you in on the new movement:

Ok, so lets be serious. The first woman to talk is full of shit. She got all that and she NEVER had sex with her sugar daddies?? Pfffffttt, yeah right buddy! Anyway, the point is, even the second woman on the show says that while she isn’t “selling herself” and didn’t have sex with him AT FIRST now she does, although she sees it as a business more so. *scratches head* Wow. Now, those from the Bunny Ranch, the legalized brothel, go further on this general point and say that they aren’t doing anything more than any other woman does…you have dinner or drinks, and if you vibe a little you go back to yours and get it on. Whether you give it up has a lot to do with how much he gives you beforehand…nice dinner at an upscale restaurant with an expensive bottle of champagne followed by a Beyonce concert = guaranteed knockin’ boots. Mickie-Dee’s and a movie on cheapie Tuesdays…not so much. Either way, sometimes the guy calls you back at the end of the evening, sometimes he doesn’t. Prostitutes are doing the same thing only on a more plain scale…$500 gets you a blow job, $1000 seals the deal, and any extras like cuddling afterwards and tickling your A-Hole will be tacked on at the end.

And then there are women who engage in more under the table forms of legalized prostitution. For example, Cosmo ran an issue on women who regularly traded sex for money and other items, and said that, quite frankly, all women were prostitutes just as they were, they just were willing to actually put a name to what they do…clearly, these statements inspired the name of the post. But here’s the idea of what these women are up to: They have a male friend, one which they are currently not sexually intimate with. They also have some type of money problem, whether its current unemployment, a desire to go to school but not qualifying for student loans (and clearly not enough money to go to school without one), needing somebody to organize their finances for them, etc. This male friend is in a financial (or professional) position to be able to help them get what they want and need out of life. And all they’ll require in return is sex and sexual favours. No problem, right? Most of them even draw up legalized contracts which they sign – he gets sex Monday and Thursdays, a blow job on Sundays and she gets $500/week, her tuition paid in September, her investments filed each 30th of the month. So, clearly (well clearly enough to me…if you don’t see this, then..ummm..you’ve got issues) they’re engaging in prostitution. But, what about they’re assertion…that ALL women are prostitutes?

Their argument is that what they do is no different than what all women do… your man provides you with the things you need, and in return you provide him with what he wants – sex. In fact, the allegation is that this is how relationships are founded: he makes serious dents in his wallet to wine and dine you in the hopes that at the very least you’ll be 69ing him. A woman doesn’t put out, he moves on or cheats on her to get what he needs…and then eventually leaves her for the woman who IS putting out. She’s pissed off he’s no longer giving her the emotional support that she needs, or becomes worried about their future because he’s not gainfully employed, she stops spreading her legs…and when he suddenly turns back on the romance, or lands that awesome job all the sudden it’s rabbit city…its like you’re newlyweds again!! You see? All women ARE prostitutes after all….

Hmmmmm….anyone else see the flaw in this reasoning? OK, well lets break it down Classic Ruby style. First of all, how does this little scenario account for the women who are currently celibate but in committed loving relationships? What about the women who are married to rich dudes and never EVER sleep with them, instead getting it on with the pool boy, delivery man, kids’ tutor…you get the picture. And then there are the women (who I believe are largely in the majority) who engage in sexual acts with their partner for their own personal sexual satisfaction. The fact that he has money, wines and dines and romances her, the fact that they keep the lines of communication open and that they share and care with and about eachother may increase sexual activity. But while women who are selling their vagina’s for their own personal gain seem to think that everyone else is, I think the increase in sexual activity can be explained with a much less analytical way – when people, men OR women, are feeling more happy, less stressed, and more secure in their relationships and life, they can relax.

Relaxation and happiness lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, in our blood streams (cortisol is a well known sexual depressant), as well as release feel good hormones like endorphins. Plus, when you’re happy and fulfilled, you free your mind up to not be burdened down with problems and other mood-killers, and just enjoy the feel of your partners skin against yours, the warmth of their body snuggled up against yours, and your mind will naturally wander to other pleasureful things in your life..like, say, the last time your partner blew your mind in the sack and then you cuddled in bed all night whispering sweet nothings while caressing each other (leading to a few follow up jaunts)….and then…well, by then you’ve got that warm tingly feeling and before you know it, you’re jumping his/her bones…again…for the third time in the past 24 hours.

Now…I’m not saying that there is no such thing as prostitutes, or even of women who treat relationships and sex with their mind as a kind of sex for goods and services kind of deal. But IMO those women are WELL into the minority. What people need to stop doing is justifying their own sketchy behaviour by convincing themselves that “well, everybody’s doing it!” because, quite frankly, thats a load of crap.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve never given my bf a BJ (which I am PHENOMENAL at…just saying…lol!) or a wet and wild ride on the Ruby train for a job well done in some relationship or job thingie. Or for his birthday, or Christmas, or V-Day…just like I’m not saying he’s never done EXACTLY the same thing for me…or that neither one of us has ever been real nice to the other, been unusually romantic, sweet, caring, understanding, or treated the other out to the perfect night out, hoping in exchange to get a little lovin’ or something else equally beneficial (My bf knows that when my voice gets all soft and sweet, and I’m unusually touchy feely – which normally I avoid or rather it just doesn’t come to me to be that way – that I want something. He’ll let the love roll over him, and as soon as I open my mouth to say his name, he gives me the “what undesirable thing do you want me to do that you KNOW I’m not in the mood to do?” look…which I sheepishly grin at while feining innocence and yet bring sad puppy dog into my eyes, as though hurt that he would think this was all in my devious plan..the thought JUST came to mind now)…

I’M just saying that that’s not even 20% of what happens. More importantly, if I DIDN’T get what I wanted in return, and vice-versa, I wouldn’t be angry, frustrated, or anything negative. Because seriously, whether its sex, lovey-doveyness or a nice night out, the main reason we do ANYTHING with or for eachother is because we love eachother and appreciate time with eachother.

And that, my friends, is the HUGE difference between prostitutes, and the rest of us.

What do y’all think about this debate? Do you think there’s any merit to the argument that “all women are prostitutes?”. What about for those of you who do engage in casual sexual encounters? Do the rules change in that case? Have you found that you’ve ever been in an “arrangement” that, if you really thought about it would equal hooker/john status? I’d love to hear your opinions on this!

Cheers