My life in the past several months has been more than hectic, and as I said before I’ve got a LOT to share with you. I’ve sat pondering for several weeks trying to come up with my debut topic…all to no avail. I mean, after leaving the blogging world for such a long time, I can’t just come back with some wishy-washy white toast topic. Nor can I just assault your moralities and senses with another delicious taste of Ruby Ranting. And then, suddenly, out of nowhere I remembered a conversation I had with a friend recently. And for some reason, it was bugging the living crap outta me. I couldn’t put my finger on it until just now (it’s almost 3AM right now), and as soon as I realized just where the flaw in my friends reasoning was, and just how often I had encountered similar nonsensical blathering over the past few months, I decided that this was it. I was gonna write about it, and NOW. As I’m sure you figured out from the title, this post is all about jealousy, and the fallacious reasoning people who hide behind their jealousy use to avoid actually manning up and taking responsibility for themselves and their positions in life.

Now before I continue, I want to first say that I completely understand there are some situations and conditions that are beyond our control. And I get that it’s completely natural to envy others who don’t have the same uncontrollable issue that we have. For example, me and my mystery illness. Do I envy others who can go out and drink and party it up? Do I wish I was my boyfriend as he eats a scrumptious looking plate of spaghetti and meatballs in a rich tomato sauce without a care in the world? Of course. Do I watch him eating while giving him cut eye and silently thinking “stupid jerk. Eating whatever he wants whenever he wants. GOD I hate him!”. Umm…no. Never. And you see, that’s the difference really. The fallacy always happens with those people who end up not only being jealous of someone else because of what they have or can do or whatever, but who end up hatin’ on said person. You know what I’m talking about….

ENTERS: Slightly overweight female (we’ll call her WOMAN 1) dressed in baggy clothing to “hide her fat” who spends the majority of the night with her arms crossed over her “enormous belly roll”. Woman is sitting with her friends at the bar people watching, when…

ENTERS: Woman with a thin or athletic body (we’ll call her WOMAN 2), dressed in a mini skirt and super tight halter top. She’s happy and carefree and KNOWS she looks good, so rather than worry about the cellulite that MAY be on the back of her thighs, she partying it up with her girls in the middle of the bar.

WOMAN 1 eyes WOMAN 2 with disgust and obvious envy, and mutters under her breath “skinny bitch! I frigging HATE her. I sooooo want her _____________ (insert body part(s) here)!!”.

OK, are you frigging serious? Do you see the flaws in this jealousy turned hater? Well in case you missed em, I’ll help you out:

1. You don’t know that woman or the things she had to do to get that body, nor do you know how hard she works to maintain it. For all you know, she started off at 300 pounds and decided to work her ass off. (and yes, you lazy ass mofo, it DOES happen. ALL THE TIME).
2. When was the last time YOU actually made some kinda effort to achieve anything NEAR what she has? And how hard are you willing to work to maintain that? (Honestly, you know you ain’t striving for SHIT cause if you were, rather than hating you’d be saying, “hell ya, one day I’m gonna look like that, I’ve already lost X lbs, YAY ME!!”)
3. Why are you wasting your time hating other women? What you SHOULD be doing is bigging her up silently for her looking good as hell. When you STOP hating on other women, you end up hating less on yourself.
4. Why are you wishing for shit she has like it’s an impossibility for you? She doesn’t have gold and diamond encrusted breasts that you can’t afford…she has a healthy average physique that you could EASILY achieve should you practice a little self restraint and actually get your butt off a couch and into a gym (or working out at home to a video, or taking a walk or run in the park…you get the gist)
5. Why are you victimizing yourself, like her looking good and feeling good is a personal assault to you? What she looks like has NOTHING to do with what YOU look like, or the great time you could have, or how sexy or desirable you choose to act and feel. Know why you bother me? Cause y’all are the same people who will watch a woman who is exactly the same size as you but actually wears flattering clothes that are still sexy but size appropriate, ones that actually FIT and therefore do not cause rolls and bumps and etc. and hide all the bad and emphasize all the good and have the NERVE to say “see, if I had HER genetics I could still look good at this size”. *rolls eyes* Seriously? Wake up and smell the hot coffee mama, it ain’t genetics that are making her look good at that size, it’s the effort she’s put in to learn how to dress her body shape and size correctly.
6. And while we’re on personal choices here, notice how you’ve been sitting like a lump in the corner with your shoulders slumped and your arms crossed and a sour ass look on your face, while the thinner woman is being happy and approachable and fun loving? And you think the reason she’s getting all the men’s attention is cause she’s all thin and skinny? Ummmm…no. It’s a known fact (based on many many many studies conducted) that men actually LIKE curves, and are programmed to be attracted to them. But we’re social beings: no matter how much a man may think your body is attractive, he won’t come within 20 feet of you if you continually give off the “f*** you, I’m feeling fat and ugly and don’t wanna be approached cause I’m uncomfortable and not particularly confident” vibe.

And it’s the same thing with people who envy-hate someone’s money, or career, or girlfriend, or relationship or whatever else. I hear it all the time “That dude is SO lucky. You think that hot chick would wanna even TALK to him if he didn’t have a benz? Some guys get all the breaks!”. Again, seriously? With the exception of like 1% of the population that are trust fund babies, and maybe another 9% that have a family member who struck it rich mining for gold or playing the lotto, the MUCH larger majority had to work their little keisters off to make all that dough, and probably have like 27 ulcers working hard to keep it. And as Biggie said “the more money you make, the more problems you get”… his life isn’t all butter baby. Seriously, apply all the rules to this money issue and just sub in money, career etc. appropriate words. Notice how it all still applies. Yeah. Exactly.

In conclusion, you people who have zero ambition and expect the world to either hand whatever it is you want to you or to graciously accept that you will bitch and moan and cry and complain for the rest of your life piss me off. Either take some initiative to try and attain that thing that you want, decide you’re actually happy where you are and with what you have and learn to love and accept that, or at the very least STFU about it. I don’t wanna hear you piss and moan and cry about something when you refuse to even TRY to do something to change it. And I’m sure the greater world agrees with me.

“I hate that dude. He’s always walking around like flashing his success and money in everyones faces, like dude seriously, if I had a break I could do that too, know what I’m saying?! He’s SO lucky! Man, if my business could just kick off like that then I would be GREAT!”

“So what have you done to advertise your product?”

“Well…you see…it’s complicated you know? Like, I heard from my friends bro that I would need at least 10 G’s to start it up, and my credit is too bad to get that kind of loan”

“Have you asked anyone to cosign? Or are you trying to clean up your credit? Or have you tried starting off small time, or maybe putting in some more research into cost or…I don’t know, actually REGISTERING a business?”

“Well…I don’t have anyone to cosign. And I don’t even know what’s on my credit to clean up, see what I’m saying? And trust me, my cuz already did ALL the research so there’s no point on me even redoing it, and why register a business if it’s not gonna make money? No…no, starting off small time is a waste of time you know? Go big or go home as they say”

Ruby, well frustrated at this point, gives a slight head nod and throaty sorta acknowledging sound before excusing herself. Turning away, she rolls her eyes and tries to shake out the frustration. WHY? Why do these ridiculous people always feel the need to tell ME these things? I don’t GET IT?!? Don’t they REALIZE how completely irrational their nonsensical blatherings of hateration borne of enviousness sounds? And is?

*shakes head*

Please people. Just be freaking realistic. Drop the haterade and pick up some ambitionade. Or sit in a corner and STFU. Or…at the very least…don’t talk to me. Pretty, pretty, pretty please. That is all.

Hahahha, I’m singing that Mase “welcome back” song in my head.

Cheers