Posts Tagged ‘confusion’

Azmarie collage

Oddly, I think she’s absolutely GORGEOUS…but ONLY when she’s not all made up like a girl. To me, her androgynous/boyish look is strikingly beautiful.

I found the woman who I was meant to spend my life with: well, the one I was meant to spend my life with in an parallel universe where I’m a lesbian or, at the very least, bisexual. Actually, ever since I first saw Azmarie Livingston on America’s Next Top Model, I kinda wished that my sexuality was a choice: I would totally choose to be a lesbian for this chick. It’s not some desire to sleep with her, by the way, although I do think she’s absolutely stunning. It’s actually a desire to be with her. Generally, I have always found the female form, and faces, more aesthetically pleasing. However, although I can admire truly gorgeous or beautiful women, I never feel any form of sexual attraction to them. Now that being said, I honestly don’t on-sight feel any sexual attraction to men, either. However, it’s not like I’m asexual and I NEVER feel sexual attraction, either. I know, I know – I’m a weirdo – I’ve always felt like either I’m a complete freak, or like everyone else is lying: how could you, by looking at someone alone, get all hot and bothered?? (more…)

Today I had a conversation with a friend. It’s not that the convo was particularly original, given my brand of open honesty when it comes to just about everything. Nor was it particularly insightful. I didn’t solve one damned problem in my life, I didn’t get one answer…and boy, have I ever been searching for answers to some pretty meaningful questions. But, for some reason, as I said goodbye and walked toward my house, I realized that something within me had changed. My thoughts didn’t become linear..quite frankly, they never have been. In fact, I think I would die of boredom if my mind wasn’t consistently deluged with seemingly inconsistent and inconsequential facts and thoughts and ideas that needed to be (more…)