Posted: March 24, 2014 in Classic Contemplations, Emotions
Tags: chronic illness, chronic pain, empathy, exhaustion, helpless, limitations, pain, relating, spoons, trapped
Back then, I took so much for granted. I was so busy letting the adversity I had met in my life victimize me, that I was unable to recognize how much of my time and energy was needlessly wasted wallowing in abject misery and self-pity. I guess that’s just another one of the follies of youth: the mindset that you will live basically forever, so there’s more than enough time for second chances, isn’t there?
Back then, I never understood, never truly appreciated, that I had never before been exhausted in my life. Being the most tired or worn out I had ever been was not even remotely equal to being exhausted. I know that now, though I wish I had never had to learn that lesson the hard way. It’s somewhat like when you hear careless children or teenagers say “I’m starving! No, seriously! I swear, I can feel my stomach eating itself!!”. They can’t even begin to conceive the concept of starvation, having never been more than hungry in their entire lifetimes. They may be the Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: March 17, 2014 in Classic Contemplations, Emotions, relationships, Ruby Rants, Slam Saturdays
Tags: balance, friends, ignorant, inconsiderate, parasites, patience, users
I’ve been thinking to myself that perhaps I would have more patience for the ignorant idiots who work at Tim Hortons, for example, and other random strangers, if I cut out the amount of bullshit that I end up having to deal with on a day to day basis from my inner circle. Anybody who is a friend or family member of mine can attest to the fact that I go above and beyond for the people I care about, and will do anything you need, if you really need it, even if it is at my own expense. I don’t have this selfless attitude because I expect anything in return from anybody. To be honest, I’m always there, and always willing to help, because I know what it feels like to have nobody who really cares about you, and nobody to turn to yourself. I never want anybody I care about to ever feel that way if there’s something I can do to make sure that they don’t.
And I ask for very little in return, if ever, because to be frank, I really don’t need to. I do better dealing with, and working through, my problems personally in my own head, I don’t like other people’s input, especially when the wounds are fresh, and I’m absolutely terrible at sharing my Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: March 13, 2014 in Classic Contemplations, Emotions, Informative, relationships, Sex
Tags: asexual, confusion, demisexual, identity, LGBT, pride, sexuality
Oddly, I think she’s absolutely GORGEOUS…but ONLY when she’s not all made up like a girl. To me, her androgynous/boyish look is strikingly beautiful.
I found the woman who I was meant to spend my life with: well, the one I was meant to spend my life with in an parallel universe where I’m a lesbian or, at the very least, bisexual. Actually, ever since I first saw Azmarie Livingston on America’s Next Top Model, I kinda wished that my sexuality was a choice: I would totally choose to be a lesbian for this chick. It’s not some desire to sleep with her, by the way, although I do think she’s absolutely stunning. It’s actually a desire to be with her. Generally, I have always found the female form, and faces, more aesthetically pleasing. However, although I can admire truly gorgeous or beautiful women, I never feel any form of sexual attraction to them. Now that being said, I honestly don’t on-sight feel any sexual attraction to men, either. However, it’s not like I’m asexual and I NEVER feel sexual attraction, either. I know, I know – I’m a weirdo – I’ve always felt like either I’m a complete freak, or like everyone else is lying: how could you, by looking at someone alone, get all hot and bothered?? Read the rest of this entry »