I have had so many things cross my mind and my life in the past few days that have irked me. Seriously, so many that in fact as I now am sitting here, having started this post to complain about all of them, am wondering whether the problem is the world or if it’s really just me being in a rotten mood. The problem is I don’t feel like I’m in a rotten mood. Not at all. I mean sure, I’m not happy that the deep freeze is back, I’m am vaguely tired of being quite as broke as I am, and I am in a school where I know virtually nobody and spend my days in solitude, even though I am naturally a very sociable person. But things aren’t that bad…not that I dwell on them ALL that much…well maybe the social issue, but beyond that…
I don’t know though. I think maybe what has been getting to me and the reason why my social outcastness has been so prevalent since coming to University are kinda one in the same. Realistically I just don’t have faith in the human race anymore, I think. Wait. Thats not exactly what I meant. I mean more so that human nature, human beings, and particularly the aspect of being entirely inconsiderate of other people has been getting on my nerves. I mean seriously, I was on the GO bus this morning and this person beside me decided the back of my seat was a good place to dig her knee into. Not that that bothered me all that terribly. No, what really got to me was the fact that she was figety, constantly moving around and therefore movibng the back of my seat around in the process. Oh, and she would dig her knee further into my seat as she shifted, so that not only was I being violently jerked around, I also had to endure this with something digging painfully into my back.
Now, most people would ask “Well, why didn’t you say anything to her? Ask her politely to stop?”. I ask myself such questions all the time in these situations, and I’ve determined that I am just too nice of a person. I don’t want to insult anyone’s intelligence, and I don’t want to be rude to anyone..and I fear that anything I say will be taken in either of these ways. I mean really, I think once we get to a certain age there are just some things that should go without saying. And I honestly don’t know how to approach someone who clearly should know better when they’re doing something that I find inconsiderate and personally find assinine that their behaviour is happening at the moment. I mean, treat others as we want to be treated right? That is exactly the reason why I do my best to be as considerate as humanly possible of others rights and feelings when I’m out in public. Plus really I want people to realize that no, I was not raised by farm animals or monkeys or some other manner of beast that clearly was never taught manners.
Hmmm…i think I have gotten off topic…well, is it possible to even get off topic in a blog post? Maybe, maybe not. I mean, after all it IS supposed to be me sharing my thoughts and feelings…can I help it that I am random? Probably. Do I want to? Not at the moment. Maybe I wouldn’t be so crazy to begin with if I didn’t sit in solitude for 6 hours a day at school. Oh yeah, school and why humanities flaws prevent me from making friends here. NOW I remember…
Ok, so here’s the thing. Its not that I have a problem with ALL 19 year old people. Really, I don’t. Its just that there’s a certain kind of 19 year old person who drives me batty and I feel that the only opportunity I have to communicate with people at school is with these 19 year olds. I don’t hate them, as much as I feel that I have grown past that stage of development and can no longer relate. Like, for example, when I am in a library I am relatively quiet, understanding the concept that other people are probably here to work, and even if not all of them are I try to be considerate of those that could be–after all, they could be me and I would appreciate the respect. But you have these children who feel the need to practically scream at each other in the library, while doing absolutely no work, practically over your head, while you sit there in shock wondering when they’ll realize where they are. And thats when someone will ask them to keep it down. And then they look pointedly at the person, roll their eyes, and then almost purposefully speak a bit louder and quite a bit longer. Or the ones that say sorry and can only maintain that quiet polite tone of voice for all of 30 seconds before they go buck wild again.
There are many more examples I can use that I encounter on a day to day basis, but I think I’ve made my point. Unfortunately for me because I did start school so late I am surrounded by these people and this age group, and until I find others who have matured and are more considerate, I am destined to walk alone @ Mac. Sad how at Sheridan it was SOOOO much easier to find these people. Maybe because the program I was in was a transfer program and therefore geared toward people who had taken time off between high school and college to work and “find themselves”. *sigh*
Oh well, gotta do a wee (and I do mean ‘wee’) bit of reading before I head out at 1:30. Hope everyone has a great week (last week of the first month of 2009 already!) and remember to bundle up!! The deep freeze isn’t supposed to let up til Thursday at the earliest!!