So, this weekend wasn’t the most exciting, definitely not the least. But one thing I determined is that sometimes enjoyment can come in the smallest of packages. I mean, I love karaoke, love Shooters, love the company at Shooters (otherwise why would I ever return? :-p) so of course I would love karaoke at Shooters. But, I don’t know, something about the vibe there this past Saturday was so..refreshing. I had such a blast, but nothing really exciting happened. I guess every once in a while you just luck out and all the cards fall perfectly in to place, and you get 4 aces when you’re playing with a bunch of pros. (lol, on second thought not sure if that really applies perfectly, but oh well. You get the point :-p)
So one of the conversations I had that day was with a 19 year old young woman. Within this conversation she told me that she was having an issue with men, because she is selective, and she won’t “give it up” easily. But she finds that whenever she does, he inevitably leaves her. I don’t know. As an individual I never really experienced the whole boy angst, where I was worried that maybe one would leave me if I give up too much/too little, etc etc. I always had the opinion that A) Just because I am dating you doesn’t mean I have some obligation to go X amount of bases with you, B) Anyone with that opinion is a sleazebag and isn’t worth my time, and C)That if the “only way” I can get you to be faithful/open/fall in love/commit (insert pretty much anything desirable, really) is by rounding X amount of bases with you, then clearly you have no real desire to do those things anyway and probably won’t even if I do give you what you want.
She somewhat understood these concepts, of course everyone kind of does, although for some reason I find that most women I have encountered have fallen into these reasoning traps on more than one occasion (I thought about it, by the way. I fell into said traps twice in my life, before I turned 16, and I learned nice and fast that I don’t wanna but some dumb chick whom everyone thinks is a slut because I have mistakenly rounded too many bases too many times with too many people all to please a boy who couldn’t care less about my virtue–or his own. And God forbid I have to sit there and give myself excuses about why my “count” is so high, and I can’t come up with even half of that number whom I didn’t regret).
I think one thing she didn’t understand was my internal reasoning methods for why I am able to avoid these things. Or, rather, not that she didn’t understand as much as she seemed to be hearing a new concept. What I told her, quite simply, was that if you wanted to “give it up” to a man (whether what you’re giving is 1st base or a home run) it should only be based on your own personal desires and feelings, entirely independent of his. As in, for example, if you end up doing the do with someone, it should be because you truly want to because you desire the do, because you are attracted enough to him that you have been desiring the do, and because whether he disappears from your life or not shortly thereafter you won’t regret it because you didn’t do it for him, you did it for yourself and your own selfish reasons.
Now this philosophy has been working very well for me. The guys who are interested in me only for my body, I discard if the feeling isn’t mutual. The guys who whisper pretty little things, or try in any way to coerce me into anything on any level, are again thrown away (why would I allow him to even contemplate the idea that he had had any influence on whether I had partaken in anything sexually whatsoever?? Ummm…no). The rest, I filter somewhat like this: if I am interested in you on level A then you will remain on level A until I decide otherwise. If you have a problem with that, there is the door. I am not going to sleep with you just because you “really care about me”. Lots of people do, and quite frankly I don’t have daddy issues…I know I don’t have to be your personal doormat to attain someone’s love somewhere. If you have an issue with this, again, there is the door.
And quite frankly, if you are such a sex addict that you can’t keep it in your pants if I won’t “give it up” then you probably won’t keep it in your pants even if I do. If this thought even crosses my mind, I won’t give you the option of staying or leaving, cause I’ll be long gone. I’m not slutty and I’m not a cheater, and I don’t particularly find the idea appetizing of being with someone who is (actually the idea makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but yeah). That being said, if I am really feeling you and I feel like sharing anything with you, and I have determined you’re decent enough folk for me to do such a thing, then I will (don’t get me wrong I don’t take anything sexually lightly…I am very selective, always have been, thanks to my mother who has always convinced me that I was a gift and any man who didn’t realize that didn’t deserve to be within 50 feet of me…and she lived that life too, and her example showed me that she wasn’t full of it..thanks Mom :-D…its about empowerment…being loose doesn’t empower you, it just shows men that they should treat us like mattresses if we so fully want to act like them).
I mean, am I so abnormal? Is it weird that I have such a philosophy? I don’t know man, this world is becoming highly oversexed. I am so worried about what my little cousins have done, what my little sister may or may not get herself into (although shes a smart cookie so she’ll probably follow after big sis :-D) and what is in store for my baby cousins, who haven’t even left grade school yet. *sigh*
lol…I didn’t even realize how much I wrote. I could still write for another 20 minutes on this topic. However, I will restrain myself. Maybe I should call Mondays rant-days. Anyway, I will definitely pick up on this topic in a later post. For now
One thought on “Karaoke…and NOT being a doormat (or Mattress)”
Lol….i will try to walk in ur shoes.but we can look out for ourselves…we may makes mistakes but we learn from them:) i love uuu and insipiring topic…u wrote soo much