Ruby Rant: Sick of the Parasitic Friends

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I’ve been thinking to myself that perhaps I would have more patience for the ignorant idiots who work at Tim Hortons, for example, and other random strangers, if I cut out the amount of bullshit that I end up having to deal with on a day to day basis from my inner circle. Anybody who is a friend or family member of mine can attest to the fact that I go above and beyond for the people I care about, and will do anything you need, if you really need it, even if it is at my own expense. I don’t have this selfless attitude because I expect anything in return from anybody. To be honest, I’m always there, and always willing to help, because I know what it feels like to have nobody who really cares about you, and nobody to turn to yourself. I never want anybody I care about to ever feel that way if there’s something I can do to make sure that they don’t.

And I ask for very little in return, if ever, because to be frank, I really don’t need to. I do better dealing with, and working through, my problems personally in my own head, I don’t like other people’s input, especially when the wounds are fresh, and I’m absolutely terrible at sharing my Continue reading

Slam Sundays: On Knowledge

Since March 16 is national Freedom of Information day, I thought it fitting to focus today on knowledge. After all, why is it that we demand a right to remain informed, why reporters consistently fight for the public’s right to remain informed on the current issues affecting our country? We don’t want to “find things out” like a flighty, gossipy child does just so we can go “would you look at that!”, and then promptly forget it. We demand to be kept informed because knowledge is power. If we choose to ignore or dismiss the available information, at least we’ve been presented with the option to do so, rather than to be kept in the dark as God-knows-what happens behind closed doors and behind our backs… We prefer to know the knife is on its way toward our back, don’t we? Gives you a fighting chance of dodging, fighting it off, trying to outrun it, or maybe say a quick prayer.

Before we can ever get to the point where we begin to make our decisions based on all the available data, before we evaluate the data we have at hand and judge it to be insufficient to make an educated move and so demand Continue reading

Slam Sundays: Yellow Rage (P.S. They Don’t Mean the Color)

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It’s funny how ethnocentric our views can be. Even when we think we are accepting and welcoming and respecting of all people, no matter their creed, race, or religion, sometimes can can inadvertently be so ignorant it’s astounding. Now, I know that I’ve mentioned this form of prejudicial obstinate attitude before, like when I told you all about the story of the pick up line that goes a little something like “I don’t date black girls, but I would TOTALLY sleep with you“. Then again, I’m well aware of when that kind of attitude is being directed at me, or people I have something in common with (based on race, religion, gender, etc.). Like most of the world though, I often remain blissfully ignorant of my ignorance until something like the following Slam Poetry video crosses my path.

Now, this one is pretty hilarious, and it’s meant to be. However,

Continue reading

A Child Or Your Husband: Who Lives and Who Dies?

I was reading an article on XO Jane where a woman explores all of the feelings she had while dating a single dad..feelings which led to her ending the relationship, and realizing that she was not cut out for stepmother status just yet. Amongst them were profound feelings of hurt and jealousy, knowing that she would always come second to someone else in his heart. Not that there’s something inherently wrong with putting your child as the number one priority over anything and everyone else in the world: in fact, in her own words, she said:

I hate to admit that I was jealous of a three year old. Even writing it now I feel ashamed. After all, he’s three and I’m old enough to know better. Sadly, Dan was in a no-win on this one because if his attention had NOT been on his baby when we were together, I would have considered him a negligent parent not worth seeing and walked on the spot.” Continue reading

A Letter To White Moms With Biracial Kids

Dear: White Mothers With Half Black Children,

Gorgeous Braid Up Ain't I prettyI have a beef with some of y’all, and I think it’s high time that I actually address this on my blog. Now, I would like to preface this post by saying I am well aware of the fact that this applies to some black mothers as well, and that it does not apply to ALL white mother’s with half-black children. In fact, although I may have been able to say it a couple decades ago, now I wouldn’t even say that this could apply to the MAJORITY. With the advent of the internet and youtube, and I’m guessing people becoming more educated either before or after giving birth to their biracial children, I actually don’t see some of these things half as often as I used to. Which makes the white mom’s who are still lost and confused stand out like a sore thumb. No more is ignorance an excuse. It’s time to wise up and recognize this basic fact:

Your Kid Running Around With Her Hair A Mess Cuz You Refuse to Learn How to Do it is Sad And Despicable Continue reading

Slam Sundays: Mother-Love

Mom and i

My beautiful mother. Happy Birthday mom!

Is there any way we can ever appreciate our Mother’s enough? We’ve taken our Mother’s love for granted how many times, as though she somehow owes it to us and therefore we have no logical reason to be grateful. Living in that “that could never happen to me” bubble that North American children so often live in until it happens to them, we write off instances of abuse, neglect, and abandonment as somehow ‘other’ to our own possible existence. Never realizing that it’s specifically our luck, our divine shower of blessing that has graced us with a Mother’s love who was so limitless, so unconditional, that we couldn’t even fathom the possibility of it somehow not being there. As to death and dying…we never really consider it, do we? That’s not a ‘now’ thing, that’s an eventuality, sometime so far in our distance futures that there’s absolutely no need to appreciate that unique and precious Mother-love that we are receiving- we’ve got time for appreciation later.

I can’t say that my relationship with my Mother has been a perfect, blissful one. Having a teen Mom means you get certain advantages, and disadvantages, over and under those who had parents that were planted firmly somewhere in Continue reading

Black LGBT: the second-second-class citizens

Gay Pride Black Eye

Keeping an eye on your pride

I once wrote a post asking you all whether you fear unwittingly hooking up with men/women on the DL. To date, I’m pretty sure it’s the only post I’ve specifically written that deals with the LGBTQ community (correction: I also wrote a post on Ricky Martin way back when, before I actually launched Classic Ruby), and it’s high time that I do another one. And I think it’s especially important that I address social/cultural relations of the black LGBTQ community within the larger black social community as a whole. Something has gone terribly wrong in the equal advancement of black LGBTQ members. Somehow, being black and gay means that somehow you should not be afforded the same advancements in equality and equal rights that the rest of the black folk deserve.

While looking for some background info on this post, I came across an article that addressed my overall feelings about the treatment of the black LGBTQ’s within the larger black community. Check out the article yourself, titled Continue reading