I suggest before reading this post that you press play on the video, and let the speakers fill your mind with the stream of consciousness music that I had playing in the background while writing these contemplations. Take it slow, relax, let it all in: the vibe from the music, and not just the words but the messages embedded within. Let each thought, each memory, each piece of imagery take you to another place, in another time…if only for the few minutes it takes you to read it. I’m taking Classic Contemplations to a whole new level…it is meant to arouse all of your senses. Let it in. I hope it’s an uplifting experience for you. It was for me.
I was young once. Heady in my own ignorance, thinking I understood the world long before I truly knew anything about it. It hurts me now to think back to that young child, so naive, so full of hope and promise. Never did she ever expect life to turn out the way it did. Never did she think that the world was such a cruel and cold place: so full of pain and suffering, hurt feelings, disappointments, ignorance. People weren’t going to set out to improve her life, or to help better the world for her and for the rest of mankind: everyone was just out to try get theirs, and f*** those trampled in their wake of destruction. My eyes well with tears now, thinking about that child. Knowing there is no way I could ever regain that mind set, that set of values, that set of opinions. Not entirely. Never entirely. No matter what values, beliefs, morals and way of life I have tried to maintain I can never regain the one thing that mattered to that little girl, though she never had any idea she still possessed it. Had thought that long ago, along with her toys, and her days of being bra-free or without the monthly curse, had already been taken from her. Innocence.
I could cry for the loss of innocence. Because, with the loss of innocence many people are lost. Many people allow the loss of innocence, such a huge thing, and yet one of those inevitable things in life that will occur, that we will never have any control over, rob them of anything within them that was good. That defined their character as righteous. You watch your older cousin get gunned down in the street, that doesn’t mean you need to turn into a teenage gangster and have more kills under your belt than some mafia members before you’re old enough to drive. Nobody can give you back your cousin, or the innocence lost: but when you choose to throw away your Morality, the thing that keeps your heart and soul pure- if scarred, that is where the true tragedy lies. When a bitter little girl who is beat by her mom, shunned by the kids at school, and is dying for a Daddy to wrap his arms around her and tell her that she is beautiful and perfect and loved just the way she is, finds she feels lost and desolate and alone, it is truly sad, truly heartbreaking. When she decides that she no longer needs to protect her virtue and begins giving her body away to any man that suggests it, this is where my heart bleeds for her, because she too just threw away a piece of the only thing she could control in her life: Her Morality.
When you openly mock some poor person just because they are dressed differently, or because you’ve heard some juicy rumours about them, don’t get it twisted: you’ve just thrown away your Decency. When you judge the homeless person on the street and assume they’re an alcoholic; judge the alcoholic by assuming their a worthless piece of crap who wanted an excuse out of life; whenever you point fingers at another and spend more time contemplating the faults of others and judging them, remember that you ain’t a damn thing worth judging anyone or anything else..and as soon as you jump into this habit you have thrown away your ability to be Just. And don’t we all scream and shout for justice? SMH. But we never see how unjustly we treat those around us, often because we are too consumed with ourselves, our problems, our lives.
It makes my heart cry to know how many of these natural laws I have personally violated, and there are more – much, much more. Losing my innocence was hard. Knowing I chose to throw away my sensibilites, the things that truly bring value to my life, to my soul, is crushing. All I know is, I still have a choice. Everybody does. You can’t erase the past. You can’t change the decisions you have made, and you can’t erase the stain on your heart, on your character, and on your soul that these decisions, these mindless acts you’ve engaged in have made. But you can change the future. You can’t regain a thing:but you can choose not to lose more. You can choose not to make the same mistakes again. You can choose to live your life in such a way that it’s uplifting to yourself and to those around you.
Life is too short to continue throwing it away because that’s what we’ve done in the past.
I am choosing life. And I am choosing to be conscious from this day forth.
Cheers
Although this contemplation was deeper than regular Classic Ruby material, I hope you enjoyed it. There are many dimensions to each individual, and this contemplative, reflective dimension is one of mine. Hopefully you found it made you think, or was stimulating, at least to your ears (this song is phenomenal..RIP Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopez). Please let me know your thoughts. Did you agree with any of my musings, or disagree? Did you like the style of this post? Any feedback, as usual, will be greatly appreciated.
And there’s a piece of consciousness for your Hump-Day
Cheers
Classic Ruby: Unadulterated 
Shits serious today! but i feel ya girl this was a sexy post still real deep to your heart honesty ya digg
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I absolutely loved this one! if youre always like this i think I wouldnt be such a fan but just thrown in here like that its even more meaningful. Your points about how we can choose to throw away things like our morality and decency and that we can choose better i think was the most meaningful part of this. but thanks for sharing your feelings I sware i have exactly the same feelings about the little girl in my past as you do about yours!
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I LOVE that song, I’m glad somebody finally gave it the recognitions it deserves. I did it exactly how you said to, and it really worked with all the senses and stuff, it made it all so much clearer and brought in all these memories about and feelings to do with the past.
My one question for you is this – sure we have some choices that we can make, but what if your choice is to kill or be killed, like the story of the child who watched their cousin get gunned down. What if he lives in a world where if he doesn’t learn to be that hard killer that he will be killed. Shouldn’t he choose life? Or what about addictions? Nobody chooses to be addicted to anything, but it sure makes them throw away SO much of them and the values you were talking about. What are your thoughts on that?
I really really liked this post! First time commenter but I just had to give my peace on this one it really touched me, Keep up the good work!
Jordana
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I haven’t commented in a long time but I have been keeping up with all of your posts, and you were right when you said this is different than your usual. Not necessarily your writing style or even exactly the subject but the integration of music part. I really enjoyed it, and I hope this stays a part of your regular repertoire. I like Classic Contemplation over the other ones you’ve done. It just seems more ‘you’.
I am ashamed to say I am/was one of the girls you mentioned. The ones that have no respect for the prize between their legs and give it away to try and bury the emptiness inside me. For me its a self esteem issue I know. A man who whispers pretty words to me with the promise of at least a few hours where I can pretend I am his cherished love of his life is what I crave. Not because I fool myself into thinking it means more than what it is but because I like the excitment and rush and fantasy, of it all.
I am madly in love with love. Well probably more so infatuation. My relationships normally don’t last too long and when they do they’re a rollercoaster of emotion and drama. While I don’t guard my nether regions I do guard my heart. I know it sounds weird and doesn’t make as much sense as I wish it did, but thats how it is. And I have been this way so long I can’t even imagine it being any other way.
But this made me think. More than any of your other posts about stuff like this. Mostly because it had nothing to do with changing my behavior as much as knowing that I could make a better choice. I always did know this but like I said, it’s honestly been so long I don’t even think I conciously realised what I was doing. But listening to the song and thinking about what you said got to me. Not saying I had a life changing experience, but I do have some things to think about. I am going to send you an email and ask your opinion on something. Thank you for this post though. I passed it along to my friends because I think its an original idea and worth sharing
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Surprisingly I enjoyed the seriousness. Damn I’m nosy, but was there something specific that brought this on? Please do share.
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Thank you everyone for your responses. I think the consensus is that people did enjoy this one, and I think this is the direction that Classic Contemplations will go in the future. Which aspects, you ask? LOL Only time will tell 😉
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@ Jordana
Those are some really good questions, and quite frankly I don’t particularly have an answer that will be the perfect response to you. All I can say is that: In life we all have choices at some point. Maybe not at 15 but certainly by 30. Just because we made certain decisions at a younger age, even though the decisions were NECESSARY at a younger age, does not make that necessarily the case for the rest of your life. At some point, we are continuing to behave in these ways not out of necessity, but rather out of habit, and that’s where my issue lies. You don’t have to throw away your future just because you threw away your past.
I hope that sort addressed your question
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@ Anonymous
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and your thoughts, with us. I’m sure that your story, and your perspective, has touched at least one other life, if only to let them know that they are not experiencing those feelings alone.
By all means, I would love if you sent me an email. I will certainly answer any question or concern you have either privately or on the blog (of course, like this post, you can remain 100% anonymous!)
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@ Dewan
Yes, you are nosy! But if only because I happen to be a wee bit bored at the moment, I’ll indulge your nosy-ness.
But, the answer is disappointing, I’m afraid. Nope, nothing specific inspired the post other than the song. My whole goal was to pick some song, listen to it, and then write only what was truly evoked from my mind while listening to the song.
But I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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