Category: Emotions

2017: Self Censorship Ends Here

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Hey Y’all!

miss jay im backSo. Clearly I’ve taken a SERIOUSLY extended vacation from writing. And before jumping into the opinionated and “weird stuff that interests me” kinda posting that I’m known for, I feel I owe my readers an explanation as to why I’ve been gone so long. And why I think now is the right time to come back.

For those of you who sent emails actually asking if I was ever coming back and why I left, hopefully this is a good start to some of those answers. Hopefully as time unfolds, the other little tidbits I drop along the way might create a clearer picture if this isn’t sufficient. And as always, I answer comments as soon as I get them.

trapped in my body
Source: angelamraz.typepad.com Being a prisoner in your own body and mind is such a frustrating, demoralizing thing.

Shortly before leaving on hiatus, I had written a post on having writers block. At the time, I believed that. I had simply run out of opinions. My life wasn’t big enough anymore, I was so stuck in my boring, lifeless role as a sickly bedridden chick that the only opinions I was qualified to give anymore revolved around whatever TV show I was watching. And I seriously hate writing about the daily life crap. Primarily because I seriously hate reading it (Yeah, now you know why I’m never on facebook…I don’t care that your dog played in a box and your kid threw the peas on the floor for the third time this hour…or vice versa). Now, I look back at that thought process and have to giggle at my own lack of self-realization. Because the truth is that you could bury me under a rock in a cave on Mars with my eyes covered and cotton in my ears for the next 50 years and I’d still manage to come up with an original thought or opinion on some thing or another every hour. And because I’m a millennial (BARELY), I absolutely think that all of my opinions are not only entirely valid, but definitely fascinating and interesting enough to share with the world. And the world will only be so lucky to stumble across my profound, often prophetic-level ramblings.

Now in retrospect I can recognize that my inability to write something I could consider above the level of useless drivel had much more to do with (more…)

Trapped: When Your Body Betrays Your Mind

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Source: http://fremdeng.ning.com
Source: http://fremdeng.ning.com

Back then, I took so much for granted. I was so busy letting the adversity I had met in my life victimize me, that I  was unable to recognize how much of my time and energy was needlessly wasted wallowing in abject misery and self-pity. I guess that’s just another one of the follies of youth: the mindset that you will live basically forever, so there’s more than enough time for second chances, isn’t there?

Back then, I never understood, never truly appreciated, that I had never before been exhausted in my life. Being the most tired or worn out I had ever been was not  even remotely equal to being exhausted. I know that now, though I wish I had never had to learn that lesson the hard way. It’s somewhat like when you hear careless children or teenagers say “I’m starving! No, seriously! I swear, I can feel my stomach eating itself!!”. They can’t even begin to conceive the concept of starvation, having never been more than hungry in their entire lifetimes. They may be the (more…)

Slam Sundays: You Will Never Be Pretty

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source: www.rapgenus.com
source: rapgenus.com
The sting of those nasty words can last a lifetime. Be careful what you say, especially to those young, impressionable minds you are charged with raising.

I personally have always found the term ‘pretty’, when applied to me, to be rather insulting. As in, “just pretty??!?”. Ok, so I have a healthy level of self-confidence, bordering on being downright vain. I swear to you it’s not my fault – it’s genetic. I come from a long line of terribly vain people, a whole family of people who will swear up and down that we are made solely from “beautiful genes”.

A wonderful example of this was the time I was walking with my uncle into a mall. Looking at his muscular calves, I happened to notice they were smooth as a babies bottom. Being about 9 years old at the time, my inquisitive nature was in full bloom. “Uncle?”, I asked, at the top of my lungs, I might add, “how come you shave your legs?”. Now, being part of my conceited family, there was no hushing, or lowered tones. Nope. Instead, he answered just as loudly, “You see these sexy, muscular calves? They are irresistible…and when I want the women to come and fawn around me, all I have to do is this!”, and he stuck his calf out, and pointed with both hands…in the middle of the parking lot, clearly disrupting traffic.

So, since that isn’t even a rare example of one of my family members, or a vanity situation, it’s no wonder I subconsciously deem myself to be above simply “pretty”. Like how, whenever someone tells my mom that her daughter is beautiful, she says (more…)

THIS is Why We Find You Annoying

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source: itre.cis.upenn.edu You know what MY pet peeve here is? Comics without colour!! Black and white does NOT cut it...it screams "not finished yet!". Ugh
source: https://itre.cis.upenn.edu
You know what MY pet peeve here is? Comics without colour!! Black and white does NOT cut it…it screams “not finished yet!”. Ugh

It would take me a lifetime to truly explain to you EVERY pet peeve I have and why. I believe my Ruby Rants, combined with my general posts, probably give you some idea cuz, hey, nobody has EVER called me subtle before. If you browse through my posts though, basically anything I criticize, I criticize cause it gets on my LAST nerve, and I can’t bite my tongue on the issue anymore. Just an FYI in case y’all were wondering. But, I did think it would be fun if we did something a little different and did something mindless yet entertaining on a Thursday, while I still get to vent about exactly what things in life are annoying me at just this second. Cause really, inconsiderate people are high on my list of “bullseye” targets for rage at the moment. I’m really just not in the mood (The following video does have profanity, just so you know).

I actually started my YouTube search last weekend, looking for the perfect video to compliment Monday’s post on parasitic friends. Now, while I never did manage to find that perfect video, I did find the above one on inconsiderate people. As I said in Monday’s post, and have reiterated over countless others, inconsiderateness is like pet peeve numero uno for me. I really can’t take it. Suddenly, I had an idea…why not scour YouTube’s (more…)

Ruby Rant: Sick of the Parasitic Friends

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image

I’ve been thinking to myself that perhaps I would have more patience for the ignorant idiots who work at Tim Hortons, for example, and other random strangers, if I cut out the amount of bullshit that I end up having to deal with on a day to day basis from my inner circle. Anybody who is a friend or family member of mine can attest to the fact that I go above and beyond for the people I care about, and will do anything you need, if you really need it, even if it is at my own expense. I don’t have this selfless attitude because I expect anything in return from anybody. To be honest, I’m always there, and always willing to help, because I know what it feels like to have nobody who really cares about you, and nobody to turn to yourself. I never want anybody I care about to ever feel that way if there’s something I can do to make sure that they don’t.

And I ask for very little in return, if ever, because to be frank, I really don’t need to. I do better dealing with, and working through, my problems personally in my own head, I don’t like other people’s input, especially when the wounds are fresh, and I’m absolutely terrible at sharing my (more…)

Slam Sundays: On Knowledge

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image
Source: http://joyb.blogspot.ca/

Since March 16 is national Freedom of Information day, I thought it fitting to focus today on knowledge. After all, why is it that we demand a right to remain informed, why reporters consistently fight for the public’s right to remain informed on the current issues affecting our country? We don’t want to “find things out” like a flighty, gossipy child does just so we can go “would you look at that!”, and then promptly forget it. We demand to be kept informed because knowledge is power. If we choose to ignore or dismiss the available information, at least we’ve been presented with the option to do so, rather than to be kept in the dark as God-knows-what happens behind closed doors and behind our backs… We prefer to know the knife is on its way toward our back, don’t we? Gives you a fighting chance of dodging, fighting it off, trying to outrun it, or maybe say a quick prayer.

Before we can ever get to the point where we begin to make our decisions based on all the available data, before we evaluate the data we have at hand and judge it to be insufficient to make an educated move and so demand (more…)

The Alternative Sexuality In YOU

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Azmarie collage
Oddly, I think she’s absolutely GORGEOUS…but ONLY when she’s not all made up like a girl. To me, her androgynous/boyish look is strikingly beautiful.

I found the woman who I was meant to spend my life with: well, the one I was meant to spend my life with in an parallel universe where I’m a lesbian or, at the very least, bisexual. Actually, ever since I first saw Azmarie Livingston on America’s Next Top Model, I kinda wished that my sexuality was a choice: I would totally choose to be a lesbian for this chick. It’s not some desire to sleep with her, by the way, although I do think she’s absolutely stunning. It’s actually a desire to be with her. Generally, I have always found the female form, and faces, more aesthetically pleasing. However, although I can admire truly gorgeous or beautiful women, I never feel any form of sexual attraction to them. Now that being said, I honestly don’t on-sight feel any sexual attraction to men, either. However, it’s not like I’m asexual and I NEVER feel sexual attraction, either. I know, I know – I’m a weirdo – I’ve always felt like either I’m a complete freak, or like everyone else is lying: how could you, by looking at someone alone, get all hot and bothered?? (more…)

A Child Or Your Husband: Who Lives and Who Dies?

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source: www.todaysparent.com
source: http://www.todaysparent.com

I was reading an article on XO Jane where a woman explores all of the feelings she had while dating a single dad..feelings which led to her ending the relationship, and realizing that she was not cut out for stepmother status just yet. Amongst them were profound feelings of hurt and jealousy, knowing that she would always come second to someone else in his heart. Not that there’s something inherently wrong with putting your child as the number one priority over anything and everyone else in the world: in fact, in her own words, she said:

I hate to admit that I was jealous of a three year old. Even writing it now I feel ashamed. After all, he’s three and I’m old enough to know better. Sadly, Dan was in a no-win on this one because if his attention had NOT been on his baby when we were together, I would have considered him a negligent parent not worth seeing and walked on the spot.” (more…)

Slam Sundays: Mother-Love

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Mom and i
My beautiful mother. Happy Birthday mom!

Is there any way we can ever appreciate our Mother’s enough? We’ve taken our Mother’s love for granted how many times, as though she somehow owes it to us and therefore we have no logical reason to be grateful. Living in that “that could never happen to me” bubble that North American children so often live in until it happens to them, we write off instances of abuse, neglect, and abandonment as somehow ‘other’ to our own possible existence. Never realizing that it’s specifically our luck, our divine shower of blessing that has graced us with a Mother’s love who was so limitless, so unconditional, that we couldn’t even fathom the possibility of it somehow not being there. As to death and dying…we never really consider it, do we? That’s not a ‘now’ thing, that’s an eventuality, sometime so far in our distance futures that there’s absolutely no need to appreciate that unique and precious Mother-love that we are receiving- we’ve got time for appreciation later.

I can’t say that my relationship with my Mother has been a perfect, blissful one. Having a teen Mom means you get certain advantages, and disadvantages, over and under those who had parents that were planted firmly somewhere in (more…)

Black LGBT: the second-second-class citizens

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Gay Pride Black Eye
Keeping an eye on your pride

I once wrote a post asking you all whether you fear unwittingly hooking up with men/women on the DL. To date, I’m pretty sure it’s the only post I’ve specifically written that deals with the LGBTQ community (correction: I also wrote a post on Ricky Martin way back when, before I actually launched Classic Ruby), and it’s high time that I do another one. And I think it’s especially important that I address social/cultural relations of the black LGBTQ community within the larger black social community as a whole. Something has gone terribly wrong in the equal advancement of black LGBTQ members. Somehow, being black and gay means that somehow you should not be afforded the same advancements in equality and equal rights that the rest of the black folk deserve.

While looking for some background info on this post, I came across an article that addressed my overall feelings about the treatment of the black LGBTQ’s within the larger black community. Check out the article yourself, titled (more…)