Ever been so mad you see red (literally)? Ever been so frustrated or angry that you feel that you’re about to explode, implode, or seriously cause some damage to anything or anyone within arms reach? Unless you’re one of those uber-calm people that I can’t stand (cause you make me look bad lol) you probably have, at least once. So you know what it is when you get to that point where your blood is boiling and you’re beyond helpless to control it: it’s damn near impossible to make your thoughts, words, feelings and actions all seem to be a fluent, coherent, respectful and personality-consistent entity rather than the ugly, evil-eyed, fire-breathing monster they become.
Curse words fly from your mouth without even a second thought as to who’s around you or what type of environment you’re in. Suddenly, morals and codes of ethics you have ardently upheld and preached are thrown to the wayside, and should anyone around you remind you that this is entirely out of character, that you might even regret what you are saying/doing later all that you can think to say that can be anywhere near polite is “I don’t GIVE a F***!!”…which is polite to you at the time because you’re not directly telling them to F-off or to go F-themselves (two SERIOUS forms of disrespect, especially to a loved one who only has your best interests at heart). Ok, so you’ve been there, right? Here’s the question…have you ever been THAT angry that you’ve cursed out (swear words and all) your mom/dad/granny/grandpa?
I can’t even say I never have, but in all fairness I had a very serious anger management problem growing up. I had no idea how to deal with feelings of anger, hurt, disappointment, frustration…but for some reason I was well aware violence wasn’t the answer. I wouldn’t punch holes into walls, or trash my room, or punch my pillow. Even in my infuriated state I think I always knew that should I break something I would seriously regret it. So I would yell, scream, curse, insult… anything I could do verbally to let off steam. Now, if I was in front of my parents and they were the target of my anger, I would try and walk away..whether it was to my room when I was younger or for a walk around the block as I got older. But when I started to see red I KNEW that if I didn’t get the hell outta there ASAP I was most definitely gonna say a whole lotta things I couldn’t take back, wouldn’t mean, and didn’t wanna say to begin with. So I would try to get away.
My Dad would tell me when I was younger when he saw I was getting to that level of unreasonable agitation “If you want to do that, you can do it in your room. When you’re ready to be reasonable and speak calmly to me, you can come back out” and off I would storm to slam my door before plowing into my bed to scream and cry into my pillow. But it helped. After about an hour (I guess…I wasn’t actually watching a clock) I would finally anger and cry myself out. Then I would go through a period of dead silence (sometimes I would fall asleep…I would be that emotionally and physically drained) and finally, hours later, I was ready to come out and address the issue, and the world, again.
My Mother, however, did not have the same approach (although my parents were married before I was born, I have zero recollection of them ever being together. That being said, they literally time shared me 50/50 so neither one was a single parent in that regard…Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday/Weekend with my Mom and Tuesday, Thursday and every other Friday/Weekend with my Dad. Interesting, I know, but it was a pretty good arrangement. I’ll bring it up and discuss it more fully in another post). My Mother wanted to solve the problem RIGHT NOW, wanted to stay in my face and find a solution.
What she didn’t understand was that there was no more solution at that moment…I was LIVID and I needed to cool down, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I just needed to lash out and release some of the anger, and she wouldn’t go away…. Eventually our Pastor actually talked to her after I told her to “F*** the hell off!!” one day when she was blocking my way through the door. Taken aback (I didn’t habitually swear, certainly NOT at my parents) she went to my Pastor crying that her daughter disrespected her and didn’t love her. While both my Pastor and myself admitted I was dead wrong, she also put the blame on my Mother. I told her I need to go for a walk, I told her I’m about to blow up, and she decided to ignore that. So I blew up, in her face, and hurt her…precisely what I was trying to prevent by going out for the walk in the first place.
I think as people, especially ones who have issues dealing with/controlling emotions, we need others to understand that everyone (including us) has a breaking point. Some people can deal with a toilet full of shit before their fuse blows, others can barely deal with the suggestion of passing gas and their up in flames. But, when dealing with your parents, or other people who are in positions of respect in your life, the issue becomes tricky. You see, they understand that EVERYONE ELSE has a breaking point, they just assume that for some reason as their child you have this God-given ability to tolerate all of their shit and never ever let it get to you, because they’re your parents and they only mean well for you. And as children, we think our parents have the God-given ability to take all of our garbage, all of our disrespect, attitude and meanness and just take it in stride, because they’re our parents and love us unconditionally and they know we don’t really mean it. But the thing is: neither of these little miracles actually exist. We’re all human beings, with our own thoughts and feelings. And no matter how much we understand, love, and are willing to forgive someone gosh-darn-it we have hearts and feelings and they can be hurt. And the closer someone is to you, the deeper they are in your heart, the deeper the damage is done.
Today, I found out my baby sister (who is 15) cursed her parent out, using the F word decoratively and plentifully with such previously mentioned statements as “Go F your self!” and previously unmentioned ones like “you’re a Fing Dick!”. This was an interesting situation for me, because for once I really got to see the situation from both sides 100%. I saw how badly she hurt our mutual parent’s feelings, and that the silent treatment and long winded note outlining her punishment was a reflection of that. Not that our parent would ever admit, which is probably the most infuriating part and the reason why I never saw it at her age, but I got to see it yesterday. Likewise, I got to hear and see my baby sister, I understand how ashamed she was of what she did but how frustrated she was at the way she was being dismissed, at how hard life was being to her (in her opinion…honestly in anyone’s opinion…the kid has had some tough times in all honesty).
I got to talk to my parent and my sister and give them the other’s perspective, as well as tell my baby sister “listen, you need to share your feelings and what you’re going through. You were DEAD WRONG so don’t even try and excuse yourself or get out of your punishment. Take it like a woman and accept that you did wrong. Your feelings weren’t wrong – how you reacted to them, how you chose to speak to your parent was very wrong, and you gotta get a handle on that”. They both heard me…as of now, I’m pretty sure they’re both still not on speaking terms…but there’s alot of emotion flying around the two of them right now, and they need some cool down time.
What do you guys think of this? Have you ever cursed at your parents? What about just yelled or screamed or stormed off/slammed doors? How would you deal with being extremely angry with a parent that won’t give you some space to just calm down? As a parent, how would you feel if your child cursed at you? Does it seriously hurt more than, say, your spouse cursing at you, or is it just more shocking that your kid actually speaks that way? This is an interesting one, and I’d love to hear your opinions on it!
Interesting thoughts for a Monday, no? But if nothing else, it’ll remind you to mind your temper and watch what you say in a moment of anger this week.
WOW!!! Only because I died DIED laughing!! WOWWW!!! I have NEVER been THAT ridiculous! And I thought I couldn’t deal well when I was younger!! Oh my!! HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!