2017: Self Censorship Ends Here

Hey Y’all!

miss jay im backSo. Clearly I’ve taken a SERIOUSLY extended vacation from writing. And before jumping into the opinionated and “weird stuff that interests me” kinda posting that I’m known for, I feel I owe my readers an explanation as to why I’ve been gone so long. And why I think now is the right time to come back.

For those of you who sent emails actually asking if I was ever coming back and why I left, hopefully this is a good start to some of those answers. Hopefully as time unfolds, the other little tidbits I drop along the way might create a clearer picture if this isn’t sufficient. And as always, I answer comments as soon as I get them.

trapped in my body

Source: angelamraz.typepad.com Being a prisoner in your own body and mind is such a frustrating, demoralizing thing.

Shortly before leaving on hiatus, I had written a post on having writers block. At the time, I believed that. I had simply run out of opinions. My life wasn’t big enough anymore, I was so stuck in my boring, lifeless role as a sickly bedridden chick that the only opinions I was qualified to give anymore revolved around whatever TV show I was watching. And I seriously hate writing about the daily life crap. Primarily because I seriously hate reading it (Yeah, now you know why I’m never on facebook…I don’t care that your dog played in a box and your kid threw the peas on the floor for the third time this hour…or vice versa). Now, I look back at that thought process and have to giggle at my own lack of self-realization. Because the truth is that you could bury me under a rock in a cave on Mars with my eyes covered and cotton in my ears for the next 50 years and I’d still manage to come up with an original thought or opinion on some thing or another every hour. And because I’m a millennial (BARELY), I absolutely think that all of my opinions are not only entirely valid, but definitely fascinating and interesting enough to share with the world. And the world will only be so lucky to stumble across my profound, often prophetic-level ramblings.

Now in retrospect I can recognize that my inability to write something I could consider above the level of useless drivel had much more to do with Continue reading

Ruby Rant: Sick of the Parasitic Friends

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I’ve been thinking to myself that perhaps I would have more patience for the ignorant idiots who work at Tim Hortons, for example, and other random strangers, if I cut out the amount of bullshit that I end up having to deal with on a day to day basis from my inner circle. Anybody who is a friend or family member of mine can attest to the fact that I go above and beyond for the people I care about, and will do anything you need, if you really need it, even if it is at my own expense. I don’t have this selfless attitude because I expect anything in return from anybody. To be honest, I’m always there, and always willing to help, because I know what it feels like to have nobody who really cares about you, and nobody to turn to yourself. I never want anybody I care about to ever feel that way if there’s something I can do to make sure that they don’t.

And I ask for very little in return, if ever, because to be frank, I really don’t need to. I do better dealing with, and working through, my problems personally in my own head, I don’t like other people’s input, especially when the wounds are fresh, and I’m absolutely terrible at sharing my Continue reading

The Alternative Sexuality In YOU

Azmarie collage

Oddly, I think she’s absolutely GORGEOUS…but ONLY when she’s not all made up like a girl. To me, her androgynous/boyish look is strikingly beautiful.

I found the woman who I was meant to spend my life with: well, the one I was meant to spend my life with in an parallel universe where I’m a lesbian or, at the very least, bisexual. Actually, ever since I first saw Azmarie Livingston on America’s Next Top Model, I kinda wished that my sexuality was a choice: I would totally choose to be a lesbian for this chick. It’s not some desire to sleep with her, by the way, although I do think she’s absolutely stunning. It’s actually a desire to be with her. Generally, I have always found the female form, and faces, more aesthetically pleasing. However, although I can admire truly gorgeous or beautiful women, I never feel any form of sexual attraction to them. Now that being said, I honestly don’t on-sight feel any sexual attraction to men, either. However, it’s not like I’m asexual and I NEVER feel sexual attraction, either. I know, I know – I’m a weirdo – I’ve always felt like either I’m a complete freak, or like everyone else is lying: how could you, by looking at someone alone, get all hot and bothered?? Continue reading

A Child Or Your Husband: Who Lives and Who Dies?

I was reading an article on XO Jane where a woman explores all of the feelings she had while dating a single dad..feelings which led to her ending the relationship, and realizing that she was not cut out for stepmother status just yet. Amongst them were profound feelings of hurt and jealousy, knowing that she would always come second to someone else in his heart. Not that there’s something inherently wrong with putting your child as the number one priority over anything and everyone else in the world: in fact, in her own words, she said:

I hate to admit that I was jealous of a three year old. Even writing it now I feel ashamed. After all, he’s three and I’m old enough to know better. Sadly, Dan was in a no-win on this one because if his attention had NOT been on his baby when we were together, I would have considered him a negligent parent not worth seeing and walked on the spot.” Continue reading

A Letter To White Moms With Biracial Kids

Dear: White Mothers With Half Black Children,

Gorgeous Braid Up Ain't I prettyI have a beef with some of y’all, and I think it’s high time that I actually address this on my blog. Now, I would like to preface this post by saying I am well aware of the fact that this applies to some black mothers as well, and that it does not apply to ALL white mother’s with half-black children. In fact, although I may have been able to say it a couple decades ago, now I wouldn’t even say that this could apply to the MAJORITY. With the advent of the internet and youtube, and I’m guessing people becoming more educated either before or after giving birth to their biracial children, I actually don’t see some of these things half as often as I used to. Which makes the white mom’s who are still lost and confused stand out like a sore thumb. No more is ignorance an excuse. It’s time to wise up and recognize this basic fact:

Your Kid Running Around With Her Hair A Mess Cuz You Refuse to Learn How to Do it is Sad And Despicable Continue reading

Slam Sundays: Mother-Love

Mom and i

My beautiful mother. Happy Birthday mom!

Is there any way we can ever appreciate our Mother’s enough? We’ve taken our Mother’s love for granted how many times, as though she somehow owes it to us and therefore we have no logical reason to be grateful. Living in that “that could never happen to me” bubble that North American children so often live in until it happens to them, we write off instances of abuse, neglect, and abandonment as somehow ‘other’ to our own possible existence. Never realizing that it’s specifically our luck, our divine shower of blessing that has graced us with a Mother’s love who was so limitless, so unconditional, that we couldn’t even fathom the possibility of it somehow not being there. As to death and dying…we never really consider it, do we? That’s not a ‘now’ thing, that’s an eventuality, sometime so far in our distance futures that there’s absolutely no need to appreciate that unique and precious Mother-love that we are receiving- we’ve got time for appreciation later.

I can’t say that my relationship with my Mother has been a perfect, blissful one. Having a teen Mom means you get certain advantages, and disadvantages, over and under those who had parents that were planted firmly somewhere in Continue reading

Hate Valentine’s Day ‘Cause You Analyze TOO Damn Much???

source: dumbpeopleannoyme.blogspot.com

This Valentine’s Day, I think rather than focusing on the things that can make love between the races/cultures different, we should focus on some universal questions that we should all be asking ourselves when we’re evaluating either our relationships this V-Day and celebrating/lamenting our love (lost), or figuring out exactly how to prevent our lack of a significant other cloud our judgment to the point where perhaps we end up doing something we regret.

But really, what is love? Let’s pretend that Valentine’s Day isn’t some bastardized commercially driven holiday. Let’s pretend it’s really all about love. At what point in your life, in your relationships development do you think that you’ve actually attained the kind of love that on some level we all hold up as the standard of perfection? Should it be based on things like extreme actions that you’d be willing to Continue reading