For a person who likes to talk a whole lot, I find that at times I have relatively little to say. It’s almost strange. I mean, it’s not that I have suddenly run out of opinions on things, or that I don’t have any hot juicy topics floating around in my head that I am just dying to share my opinion on. It’s just, sometimes, for no apparent reason, I’m just not in the mood. Is it possible to have so much to say all at once that no matter how many times you try and initiate a discussion on one topic the clutter of interesting pending conversation bouncing around in your brain prevents anything coherent from being able to be properly channeled into a good opening sentence? Have you ever experienced the phenomenon of knowing EXACTLY what you want to say, and EXACTLY how you want to say it until you try and put pen to paper? I mean, not that I’m asking you if you have ever experienced EXACTLY what I feel right now at this second, since, of course, as you all know I personally feel that that is impossible. Just wondering if you’ve ever been able to relate at all because, seriously, it’s the most utterly confounding experience: aimlessly wiggling your fingers over your keyboard blindly searching for a key, THE key, the one that will magically unlock the vault, allow your words and ideas to pour from you as easily as they usually do.
Maybe this is what they refer to when using the term Writer’s Block. No, scratch that. Writer’s Block is more of an inability to come up with a brilliant new idea, a good plot turn, the perfect segue-way into the next chapter. Is it possible that perhaps I am suffering from Writer’s Block and am simply in denial, protecting my ego by telling myself that I have more than enough great ideas but am just not in the mood to write about any of them? I don’t know. Each sentence I write is painfully difficult to produce, as though my entire being is revolting against the concept of sentence completion. Suddenly, I have forgotten words I use regularly, and am instead forced to blindly forge ahead using a word that’s “good enough for now”, hoping that I’ll shake myself out of this weird state of literary incompetence and be struck, as I most usually am, with some type of inspiration that will allow me to complete a post worthy of the Queen’s attention. (Not saying that my posts are worthy of the Queen’s attention, mind you. Just saying that I FEEL that they are most of the time ;-)!)
The strangest thing about this whole thing, I find, is that I totally remember all of the things that I was going to write about, and all of the ideas I had been saving for a time when I didn’t encounter something in my life that inspired me to post about it. Maybe I am just experiencing an internet overload, since for the most part I have spent the past month and a half glued to my couch in front of my computer screen because I’ve been on this miserable medical leave from school. Maybe what I need to do is simply walk away from my computer, just WALK AWAY, you know, get some space. Maybe the computer, and my keyboard, and I all need a few days apart just to figure things out, see where our relationship is and what we can do to fix it. You know what? I think that’s totally it! I won’t blame this on myself (who wants to take accountability nowadays anyway??), I’ll blame it on the inanimate object in the relationship! Hey, it’s not MY fault that computers suck the literary genius out of you, it’s not my fault the internet is probably frying my brain because the computer MADE ME DO IT!!!!!
Yeah. Ok. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve lost my mind. Well, at least I tried. You know what? I think I have to admit defeat for today. No matter how hard I try absolutely nothing of substance is coming out.
Well, at least, Thank GOD it’s Friday!!! lol
Happy Weekend Y’All!!