F*&$@ My Life

one-of-those-daysSo the other day on facebook, I noticed that my baby sister (she’s only 15, which sadly nowadays is FAARRR from innocent…trust me, I know this. However, this knowledge doesn’t stop me from being oblivious to reality when it comes to my sister – let me live in this bubble, Dear Lord, if only for a few seconds longer!) had her “name” as ‘FML!’. Now me, living in my little bubble world, where my sister still plays with barbies and thinks people who drink are disgusting, cannot for the life of me figure out what this stands for. After scratching my head for at least two days, I relented and finally posted on her wall “What’s an FML?”. One of my HILARIOUS friends posted under this questions “YOU, RUBY, of ALL people don’t know what FML stands for? They even have a SITE dedicated to it!”, which managed to make me feel absolutely pathetic and completely out of the loop, like somehow I aged at least 20 years in the past couple months and am suddenly out of touch with all things cool.

Ok, so, I would just like to say that in all fairness I probably would have figured it out if it had been on an adult’s page, but I just can’t imagine this small child using profanity. *Sigh* Anyway, so after swallowing my tears (Ouch! my PRIDE!) I decided to check out this site. Just in case y’all don’t know what I’m talking about, the site is fmylife.com.I’ll give you all a break down. Pretty much, it’s a collection of reader submitted stories. Each story is about as long as a Tweet. You have to begin each story with “Today” and end each story with “FML!”, otherwise you can feel free to cover any subject matter. And then the rest of us, who thrive off of enjoying others’ embarassment and shame, read through the stories. At the end of each story, you have one of two options: you can click on “I agree, your life sucks” or on “you totally deserved it!”. And, if you click on the post it brings you to the area where you can make comments (and read comments).

After perusing through the site, I have a couple tips on how to find the good stuff: Obviously, you at first want to look at the top FML, which can be sorted into ‘of the day’, ‘of the week’, ‘of the month’, and ‘of all time’. But my absolute favourites are under the category ‘Deserved’. Maybe it’s simply because I have a heart, but many of the one’s that are deemed ‘right, your life does suck’ make me feel terrible for the poster. However, the ‘Deserved’ ones elicit more of a Nelson-from-Simpsons-“ha ha!’ from me.

Observe:

One of the ones that is agreed with is:

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Which makes you feel like “awww…you poor puppy!! I should pet you”

While one of the ones that is deemed deserved is:

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn’t working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

Which made me utter an “Are you F^&$ing serious? You ASS!!!!” followed by me ROFLMAO!! (not literally, but in my head I was!). Seriously, I could post the entire first page of the “deserved” FML’s as they’re all priceless. But, I’ll only post a few more, and then I’ll leave you all to explore the page yourselves and discover the magic on your own time!

This one is from Florida (and, personally, I find is the most “Dry!!!” situation on the site…wow, Dad, way to go!)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, “Please don’t drink anymore, I really worry about your health” written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn’t ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said “So you’re going to drink anyway?” FML

This one is from California, and is a good lesson for “Just because they’re not mungee-cake white doesn’t mean they weren’t born or raised speaking English!”

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say “You… want me… take picture?” while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says “No thanks asshole. I got it.” in plain english. FML

And this next one is from Ontario, Canada! (I hope and pray it’s from someone in the GTA – more specifically someone I KNOW in the GTA lol)

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say “Did I say you could take a picture?” and he replied with, “No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids.” I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML

So I decided in the FML spirit that I should provide you with my own personal FML accounts (it’s a true story, but not actually from today – however, I decided to follow the rules so I could be as authentic as possible):

Today, my grandmother warned me to stay away from the pot on the stove. After tasting one piece, I got away with myself and ate nearly half the pot. She came to me later and said “Wow, I thought the Cow Tongue would have been the LAST thing you would have even tasted, let alone devoured!” FML

What do you guys think? Do you agree my life does suck, or do you think it’s deserved?

Happy Reading Y’all

Cheers

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7 Comments

  1. For real DESERVED…but that’s cold! They couldn’ta warned ya bout the tongue thang??? Did it look like human tongue?….I got the chills just thinkin of it YUCK!

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  2. Geez, not even one person feeling sorry for me…LMAO!!! But there are some details to the story…In all fairness I was pretty young(not yet a teenager), and I was a fat kid with a love affair with food…Yes, I noticed it was bumpy, but it was cut up into bits, and I just figured it was bumpy beef – why that made sense, in retrospect I have NO idea…and WHY in the world would I have thought that it could be tongue?? WHO EATS TONGUE?!?!?!

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  3. HAHAHAHHAHA!!! The pic of the cat caught my eye, I almost died! That would definitely be a FML moment! And as for yours, I say deserved!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

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