Occassionally on a Monday, we’re just looking for SOME reason to smile…just…anything… *sigh* lol
This Monday is one of those special exceptions…LONG WEEKEND MONDAY!!! Hooray Canada and Queen Victoria! We thank you for being born and subsequently for your birthday becoming a holiday worth the government giving us all a free day off, or at the very least some shortened holiday hours (except for those who run convenience stores, drive cabs, and work in bars- sorry guys, but as we all know this has been dubbed “May 2-4” named after a 24 pack of beer, and as such there are some necessary conveniences that absolutely MUST be available as usual). ANYWHO, whether you’re stuck in one of those awful countries (or jobs) who don’t get to celebrate the magic that is May 2-4, or whether you get to hang out all day either hung over as shit or drinking your butt off, everyone can appreciate a laugh or five on a Monday (habit tells us that Mondays suck, no matter how awesome one turns out to be- it’s kinda like Friday the 13th…when it ends up being lucky it’s a freak of nature, when it ends up being nothing special we don’t even notice them pass, but when it’s unlucky its SO TYPICAL BECAUSE FRIDAY THE 13TH IS THE UNLUCKIEST DAY EVERR!!!!).
Anyway, I’m sure you’ve been able to tell in the past by my frequent pimping out of these pictures that I’m a big fan. Here’s a little compilation that’ll hopefully get you giggling with joy and start your week of right.
Now…don’t think I’ll just leave you at having a good laugh and being all unprepared to return back to the business world come Tuesday (or today if you, again, or part of the unfortunates). Here are 6 Business Management Lessons to help you be successful in your current (and future) career (and trust me, all you need to know will be learned in the next 3 minutes…take my word for it!):
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized, “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of The Story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!”, says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”
Puff! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”
Puff! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of The Story: Always let your boss have the first say.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”
The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of The Story: To be sitting & doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral Of The Story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there!
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
MORALS OF THE STORY:
1. Not everyone who poops on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of poop is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep poop , it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course.
LOLOL!!! I hope you learned SOOO much this Monday morning (afternoon, evening, or night!)
Have a great week, y’all!