Seriously. And I don’t mean the hot and sweaty stuff, the fun, slipping and sliding side, the violent and traumatic and emotionally devastating stuff. I mean really, truly break it down.
What is sex, what are the basic good, the basic bad, the basic beauties and the basic dead ass uglies that come with that teeny tiny three letter word that packs more of a punch than any 12 letter word I can think of? I’m feeling overly reflective about sex, overly analytical about this thing that has taken me years and years to learn how to simply lay back and enjoy the roller coaster for what it is, screaming when I’m thrilled, throwing my hands up and concentrating on the excitement when I hit a straight, flat, and outrightly boring section of the ride, but always making sure that by the time I hit the exit my knees are weak and my muscles are jello…and as soon as I get to sit down for a minute I’m gonna be all for “AGAIN! AGAIN!!!”.
The thing is, I came to enjoying sex, I mean really and truly, from my own learning experiences and growth. I get this. But I wish someone had at least hinted to me about some of this shit. I figured out when I was 5 or so that penis must be inserted into vagina if you want to have “sex”(whatever the hell THAT is lol) and that doing so creates babies. By the time I was about 11 I knew the details in between, including what that tingly feeling between my legs was, that all men want is one thing, and that good girls don’t give it up to easily. But seriously, most of that is just cliche or rhetoric, most of it has lost its meaning over time, and more importantly, that stuff isn’t even the half of it. The reason I’ve decided to do this whole week long sex special is because I recently had “the talk” with my baby sister. Well, I guess she’s not quite a baby anymore, since she’s now stepped into the world of condoms and pap smears.
But maybe I missed something, and you all could point it out to me. I’ll start at the beginning. With this video. To bring it back….waaaaaayyyy back. But the two videos in this post highlight some VERY good points that I brought up early, and regularly, in “the talk”. First, check em out…
I remember, as a child, my favourite song was I Wanna Sex You Up. I knew every single word, and around anyone that wasn’t family, I would belt them out loudly and proudly. But yet I knew, although I had no true concept of what sex was, that it wasn’t something I should be singing about. I’ll never forget the day I was sitting in the car with my mom singing the words under my breath until I realized which song it was. Blushing fiercely, I turned towards the window, silently wishing I would just disappear. I honestly could have died from embarassment. And I didn’t even know exactly why. My mom, noticing my flustered little countenance, blasted the music and sang along at the top of her voice. As a wave of relief swept over me, still blushing tomato red, I joined in, feeling comforted, relieved, and above all else, accepted. As the years went by, I would turn to my mother anytime I had a sex question, and she would do her best to answer the questions that she deemed “age appropriate”. The problem? Many of the questions that were burning within me went unanswered because she thought they were “too old” for me. I accepted the fact that I would just have to find out for myself.
In all fairness, she did a damned good job, answering some pretty awkward questions like “what does sex feel like?” with all the bravado a young mother with an overly inquisitve 8 year old could ever muster. She even shared some personal stories (censored, of course) as well as some wisdom. But, of course, every answer generally leaned toward “don’t have sex until you’re married cause otherwise it will suck”. The problem with that answer is that, when your hormones are raging and the little fas’ boy you’re with is doing magical things to your body with his fingers and tongue and lips that you could never even imagine before they happened, it’s pretty damned hard to believe that sex sucks unless you’re married. Eventually, as did my baby sister, you plunge right on in, hoping for fireworks….and are sorely disappointed with the results (unless you were one lucky woman…or were a boy lol). But what are those questions that could have been answered that would lead to less experimentation and more lines drawn? More happily waiting teens who know that they’ll only “do it” when it’s really, truly right for them? Is there a level that is too much sharing, does it depend on age? So many questions, so little answers, but I’m gonna do my best to figure all out, in public with y’all.
So stay tuned this week as I share my “The Talk” struggles with you, and enlighten you all with my brilliant and fantastic strategies!
Have a great week y’all and I hope you enjoyed? What do YOU think about all this?