Author: Classic Ruby

Thoughtful, honest, and open-minded. Willing to “go there” just so I can have the experience…and I have no problem sharing those experiences with you. Some may call me a bitch– the fact is, I can sometimes be what others term as “too honest for my own good”. If my unwillingness to sugarcoat the truth, if your ability to take my word at what it is without having to add a grain of salt, makes me a bitch, I say more power to me. This corrupted, lying, guile-filled society could use a bit more of my brand of “bitchiness”.

Slam Saturdays: Mind Sex

· 10 Comments ·

OK, first of all, I just wanna say that I did NOT pick this poem because the speaker (Laith) happens to be too sexy for words. Hand to God, I didn’t. Ok, MAAYYYBE I decided to WATCH the video because the still image of him, even in what would have been an awkward pose for someone else was positively captivating…and maybe, just maybe I managed to sit through the first 1/3 of the video where he introduces himself only because I couldn’t stop watching his lips speak, couldn’t help but watch the sexy yet innocent glint in his eye, trying to determine why it is that he seemed to be some creature decended directly from God’s special batch of sexually irresistible beings…

Sorry, what was I saying again?

Oh yeah… (more…)

Ruby Rant: On the Art of Conversation…and Why Some People Suck at It

· 2 Comments ·

Being stuck at home and unable to socialize at even a basic level half the time, you’d think that Ruby Ranting had come to an end..or at least a pause, for the time being. And yet, somehow or another, from the limited amount of contact I DO have with the outside world, I manage to come across at least 5 examples each day of things that seriously piss me off. Seriously. Piss. Me. Off. However, trying not to appear to be the bitter, miserable old shut-in, who’s just hating on the lives of others ’cause they get to do things that I no longer can, I do my very, very best to shut my mouth and be a good little Ruby. Unfortunately, as I don’t get out much, and don’t do much in, and because I shun the news more avidly than I do HIV (and trust me, that is certainly a thing I very seriously avoid at ALL COSTS…no matter how much of an ass it can make me appear to be at times. Sorry, but between hurting your feelings and saving my life, hurting your feelings is the very obvious choice 100% of the time) I often have to wrack my brain trying to find something that I find even vaguely interesting enough to blog about, let alone that you might find interesting enough to bother reading even part of the way through. (more…)

Days Like This: Part 1

· 11 Comments ·

Here is another Classic Ruby original short story. Only the twist is that I’m only giving you guys half of the story this week. If you wanna know how it ends, you’ll have to tune in next week Wednesday to find out. But without further ado, I present to you:

Days Like This
By: Classic Ruby

She watched listlessly as droplets of wine ran lazily down the wall and finally settled on the wooden floor, creating a pool for the jagged bits of crystal collected there. She had replayed the night over and over in her mind, analyzed it from every angle, trying desperately to recreate the situation so that it didnt end in this way, but to no avail. Suddenly, it occurred to her that she was still curled into a ball in the corner. She didnt know how long she had been there, in exactly that position, but she assumed that she hadnt moved since coming to rest there. She felt the cramping in her legs and stretched them out, grimacing with pain. It seemed she was destined to live in a world of agony. Exhaustion caused her (more…)

This Dad Sure Delivered!!!!

· 8 Comments ·

Occassionally on Mondays it’s nice to hear about a nice, cute, inspirational thing that happened. I spoke with a friend of mine on MSN today after not having spoke with him in quite a while. In fact, the last time I had a conversation with him he told me that his wife was pregnant with their second child. So, of course, the first questions I had were “Sooo…your wife had the baby, right? Was it a boy or a girl? When was it born? What did you name it?” and eagerly hit ‘send’. The little ‘replying’ bubble popped up in the corner and I reread my response quickly to make sure that in my excitement I hadn’t accidentally sent off some gibberish which he was currently reading while staring at the screen quizzically, trying to decide whether to make a guess at what my message was or to just respond with a ‘what?’ so that way I would repeat what I said, hopefully more carefully and therefore clearly (more…)

Slam Saturdays: At 13

· 18 Comments ·

I stumbled upon this one today while actually looking for a completely different artist. Never heard of him before, never heard of the poem before, but all I could say while listening was “damn he’s good!”. I seriously got chills while listening to the man speak. I seriously took his words to heart, listened to the message within the message, let it get deep into my soul…and that was all before the end, when they explained the little details that finally made it come together for me: this was so honest, so pure, so real, and so deep. It was an experience for me. I hope it ends up being the same for you. (more…)

Saggy Boobage is NEVER in Style – Please Spare Us the Horror

· 50 Comments ·

Maybe it’s just me, but the worst part of summer (other than the deluge of bugs and bees) and right up there with the underdressed and overskanky is women whose girls hang low. Not that I’m not sympathetic: what with inevitable post-baby droopage, age-induced loss of collagen, gravity’s mighty unbeatable pull, and the risks and sky-high cost of plastic surgery, it’s no wonder that the larger majority of women are simply putting up with their pair becoming less than perky as the years go by. And I also COMPLETELY understand that a good, supportive bra costs a pretty penny, as do ones that raise your girls to the teenage sky-high level they once were while adding a size or two and giving you the clevage of every man’s dreams. Not to mention the well-known fact that any bra (especially the cheapies) are anything but comfortable.

But all of that is NO excuse to wear skimpy, skeezy little tops sans-support  letting your boobs sag to your belly button, bouncing and swaying in a rather nauseating way with each movement you make. And don’t give me that “I don’t have the right bra to wear with this top” excuse: Anybody would rather see your bra straps or band sticking out of your top than have to conciously avoid openly staring at your freak-show pancake breasts (more…)

Dying Of Broken Heart Syndrome (literally)

· 6 Comments ·

Is there some truth to that old wives tale? You know, the one that goes something like this: ‘ Two soulmates can’t live without eachother. So when one dies, the other will very soon follow suit’. Normally, we hear about this with old married couples who have spent the past 40 years married and devoted to one another. Then one, tragically, comes down with some fatal illness or very suddenly passes away in some type of traumatic accident or even silently in their sleep from a stroke. The now widowed lover almost overnight loses all of their life and resilience, and seems to have joined the team of the walking dead. It’s like they  no longer have any will to survive. And then, less than a year later, they just — give out. Without any prior history of heart disease they have a massive coronary and die. With otherwise healthy lungs they suddenly (more…)

Laugh and Learn Baby, Laugh and Learn

· 6 Comments ·

Occassionally on a Monday, we’re just looking for SOME reason to smile…just…anything… *sigh* lol
This Monday is one of those special exceptions…LONG WEEKEND MONDAY!!! Hooray Canada and Queen Victoria! We thank you for being born and subsequently for your birthday becoming a holiday worth the government giving us all a free day off, or at the very least some shortened holiday hours (except for those who run convenience stores, drive cabs, and work in bars- sorry guys, but as we all know this has been dubbed “May 2-4” named after a 24 pack of beer, and as such there are some necessary conveniences that absolutely MUST be available as usual). ANYWHO, whether you’re stuck in one of those awful countries (or jobs) who don’t get to celebrate the magic that is May 2-4, or whether you get to hang out all day either hung over as shit or drinking your butt off, everyone can appreciate a laugh or five on a Monday (habit tells us that Mondays suck, no matter how awesome one turns out to be- it’s kinda like Friday the 13th…when it (more…)

Slam Saturdays: Introduction

· 6 Comments ·

Hey Y’all! Welcome to my very first episode of Slam Saturdays! Because this is the very first one, ever, I decided to give you a brief explanation as to what to expect on these days. First off, with the exception of some brief explanations or maybe the occasional relating anecdote, Slam Saturdays are gonna have relatively little written opinion or direction from me. I’ve been in to Spoken Word poetry for about a decade now, and one thing I have always found is that another person’s explanation or introduction to the poem or poet often does it (or them) little to no justice. So I won’t even bother wasting your or my time with such things.

Secondly, I wanted you all to understand exactly why it is that I’m introducing this weekly feature to my blog. Unlike all the other features I have introduced (like Ruby Rants or Classic Contemplations, for example) this will actually be a feature you see each and every week, each and every Saturday. The reason? (more…)

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Drink And Drive This Weekend

· 11 Comments ·

Here’s the thing: before you read this post, I want you to understand I am not one of those preachy “don’t have a glass of wine and then drive or you’ll DIE” kinda people. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I think there are several factors that go in to whether or not someone is too intoxicated to drive. I mean, you have body weight, what you’re drinking, how long you’re drinking it for, and previous exposure. Now, don’t think that I’m saying just cause you’re used to drinking a keg all by your lonesome each night it means that eventually you’ll be able to do so and afterwards be sober enough to drive. However, if you regularly down a couple pitchers a few nights a week, after a few beers you’re probably not phased (or are-but barely). Now, if you NEVER drink at all, or very rarely like on special occasions only, you’re a lot more likely to be completely flat on your ass after pint #2. In conclusion (more…)