When discussing those we love, the discussion often turns to talk involving how far we would go to protect and defend them. These philosophical debates begin early in life, while hanging out with your gradeschool chums, perhaps at a sleepover, playing truth or dare you ask the “truth” taker “If there was a building on fire and you could only save one person, who would you save, your brother or your sister?”. Sure, at that age your answer depends more on who has pissed you off less in the past few weeks, that you can remember, than about who you “love” more or who “matters” to you more. Remember when those questions started your gears really turning though? When the choice between your two best friends became a topic that couldn’t be so easily answered, that involved you actually weighing the benefits of saving each individual versus the tragedy their death would cause?
As we mature, our answer becomes something along the lines of saving them both: or saving the one that couldn’t save themselves because you know the other would be able to get out on their own. Or you begin to answer with “that’s not even a fair question!”. Well, it’s not supposed to be, but of course we’re feeling the dissonance between what the questions used to mean to us versus what they do now. And it comes down to the fact that, after you reach a certain level of maturity (unless you are some type of sociopath or extremely self centered and narcissistic) you stop thinking about how much you care about your loved ones in terms of weighing the values of their lives versus eachother, and begin to determine how much you love them by how far you’ll go for them: exactly what you would and wouldn’t do and under what circumstances. The dissonance comes from the fact that you’ve determined that you would risk your life for both people in the scenario, probably just as quickly for each, so you can’t see how it should ever possibly be your responsibility to end one of their lives when you know full well you’ve valued each of theirs at the level of your own.
Of course, this starts off small, slowly. After all, we have the term “baby steps” for a reason. So you start by figuring out exactly which friends you would lend money to, why, how much, and your terms for repayment. Or you start figuring out which family members you would give up that friday night date with the hottest thing in school, or which relatives loserish and terribly embarrassing sweater gift would actually end up on your body while in public when your friends could actually see you and nab photographic evidence of this shame which would no doubt hit facebook within 2 seconds flat, ensuring you have the nickname “lamby lamb pie” for the rest of your life, all because you love them enough that you want to warm their hearts and see them smile.
Of course, we also have (and yes, we have this back in the ‘who would you save from a fire?’ times, and probably before that, depending on how close of a loved one we’re talking about) the “I’ll kick the living shit outta you if you put your hands on him/her” instincts. In my opinion, these are the real, true measurements of your love for someone. Not for you them to be able to tell if you love them/cherish them/value them/etc. but for you to know in your heart how deep, selfless and neverending your love is for that person. And I don’t mean just talk: people say things like “I would KILL any man who disrespected my mama”, but do they actually mean that? And if they do, would this killing only happen under very special circumstances? Would someone be able to rectify this situation? And what if your mama didn’t want you to kill anybody for her? If you kill the person, don’t you hurt her worse than the disrespect? (OK, for the sake of argument, just assume I am not speaking about actual murder, and I am not talking about something as small as simple disrespect, although yes, people have done worse for less. I am using this example because I heard people say this VERY often in high school, and yet, yo’ mama jokes flew around the place like they were going out of style, serious or not, and nobody died…thank GOD).
But, beyond these theoretical questions about this over-exaggeration used by teens worldwide to express love and appreciation for a mother they spend most of their time openly dismissing because she’s “old” or “doesn’t get it”. What about for real? I think most (OK, well I have at least) people have someone that they would fight for. What would drive them to that point depends on the person, some people would need it to be self defense, others would need there to be no way they could get in trouble for it, others need a live camera crew. I dare anyone to really, truly f%#$ with my loved ones, especially my baby sister, my mother and my grandmother…its ON. And no, I am not over-exaggerating. It’s not even a question in my head, not even a flinch of hesitation before blows start flowing.
BUT….and here is, really, the question that started this whole post (way to get to the point, eh? lol). Would you actually KILL for someone you love? And if so, why? What would have to happen? What would the circumstances have to be? If you ever answered yes, would it be a clean kill, or would it be long, slow, and torturous (or again, does this depend on the circumstances??). I would do a lot of wicked, evil things to people should they psychologically, emotionally, or physically do harm to any of the three people mentioned above, and there was a time when I was sure I would kill for them if someone ever hurt them, I mean really really hurt them (rape, assault and battery, etc.). But now, I’m not so sure. In self defense, NO problem. Come at them with a weapon and see if it doesn’t end up slitting your throat versus theirs. Their lives versus yours? NO question.
Maybe this is one of those growing pain things again, when you begin to realize that some things are more important than eye for an eye justice. Maybe my baby sister needs me to be a good example, be successful and NOT incarcerated, maybe she’d want me by her side to be a strength to her while she is working with through the pain versus having to see me through a plastic pane and pretend she doesn’t see the pallor in my skin from the jail food and sleepless nights on my metal cot. Maybe my mom would rather me start a support group to help people like her who have gone though a similar situation, instead of having to go to church and cry every sunday about ‘why oh why are all these bad things happening and ON TOP OF IT her only daughter is gone for 25-life?’. Maybe my Grandmother wants to come to my graduation for my Masters, or Ph.D. and smile to herself and think “I’m glad I found the strength to hold on and see her accomplish this!”.
I don’t know. Does this sound crazy to anyone else? Did I just turn into a little bitch, grow some common sense, or is this just a natural progression in life?
p.s. Don’t get it twisted, kicking the living shit outta you is NOT murder and I have NO problem with THAT kind of eye for an eye justice…just saying.
p.s. when looking for pics for this post, I came across this story. It further reinforced in my mind that if it was between them and me and mine, me and mine would win, regardless of the costs to me. I WOULD give my life if it means saving theirs. Even if “giving my life” involves me being jailed for life. But this poor dude who protected HIS family on HIS property, who were tied up and held at knife point, BTW, gets jail time for it..SMH!! If you want to read more click here.
9 thoughts on “Would You Kill For Someone You Love?”
I have two beautiful children who i love from the bottom of my heart….one is 7 and the other is 3….if i ran into a situation where some sick perverted wierdo touched them in any kind of way, i would and so would their father either torture or kill the bastard that did it! Sounds extreme to some but when children are involved there’s no question, they are so innocent….. and to take that innocence away from them with no choice at all, it could ruin their lives forever…….if some pedophile thinks they can get away with touching mine and get away with it….hell no! not in my lifetime!
I don’t play: you f*** with mine consider yourself marked. There are levels of course. But you cross taht line in my hearts that inexcusible you better expect a beat down that makes you fear for you life. You murder, rape, or otherwise take a peice of my fams soul or make em live in fear, I will take your life no questions asked. And it will be messy
I remember them games we used to quiz each other with. And your right, at some point I just couldn’t answer or didn’t like to which is probably the time I new I would do anything for those i love without a flinch.
we aint gonna answer any questions that incriminate us. well, i’m not!
ask me about them fire questions I used to have girls ask me all tha time. yah I tell her i pick her over my fam and shit, but thats all talk. my fam come before tha galaxy
I couldn’t kill a human being no matter how dispicable. Its not in my nature to be violent or solve issues with violence. I am more protective of my family than anyone and if they were threatened or scared I would be the woman who would turn into amateur cop to find the perp and bring them in to justice so they can sit in a cell for the rest of their miserable lives
No, I don’t find it extreme at all. Like I said, I think how far you’d be willing to go to protect someone you love does in part illustrate how much you love them. And it’s awesome that you (and your husband) love your little cubs as much as you do! If more parents had that amount of undying, limitless love for their children I honestly think the world would be a better place.
Hmmmm…well I guess we won’t go there. Obviously defending the honour of those you love is NOT foreign to you, though. I wonder if you have ever defended the honour of one of the lied to women in the fire situations…
Your opinion may be slightly at odds with everyone else’s, but I think you are coming from a place I may (regretfully or not) be going to in my life. Not that taking a human life is something I have ever done. Nor have I ever been in one of those situations where I had the motive and opportunity and means to truly defend a family member’s honour. However, I am starting to feel like the amount of things I could get to “that” extent with have diminished greatly, as I said my Mom GMa and Sis, but now I am rationalizing what would truly be best for them. *SMH* I’m gettin’ soft in my old age :-p
I like how straight up you are about everything. This is you, this is how you are and if people don’t like it then they can go f*** themselves. Based on that general attitude, it is no wonder you would have this POV when it comes to this subject. But, I have a question for you: Do you ever think about what would be best for the defended family member? I mean, really? What if they didn’t want their honour defended? What if they didn’t want you to defend it for them? Would you be able to respect that? Would you be able to give them that? Is it more about them or is it more about you? Not being a prick, I’m seriously wondering
Any man puts his hands on the special ladies in my life Ill cut em off and eat em for breakfast! Not tryna be ‘one of those dads’ but my daughter says no and is not respected and I catch wind? Hmpf lets just say if she lives in fear of his return he won’t be alive for long and if she wants him to live – broomstick handle meet rapist asshole. Real talk!
depends on the situation. my elders are just that so if they ask the shitheads live I wont go against it. but i make sure they live in fear however i need to accomplish that goal. and regret and sorryness. pounded in if needed. you take a piece of them i take a piece of you straight goods
its not about me its about them and what i can see is on there faces and there souls and hearts. no i wouldnt live with myself if i was too coward to defend there honor and dignity but i know i could so its not about me its about making the rest of there lives liveable to them, easier. and if it means the object of their fear needs to disappear if the courts dont do their job and lock them away straight I fix that however is necessary