I am SOOO glad I don’t have kids, just for the fact that I don’t ever wanna be one of the women that
enjoys things like that lol

Yes…that is a quote said by ME lol. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t EVER want to have children and a family of my own, or that I hate children or..I don’t know, whatever other negative connotation you could have possibly gotten from that comment. Ok, lets pause for 10 seconds, and I’ll give you a brief background so you’ll get where I’m coming from…

1. I don’t have that many female friends, on account of the fact that I find most women I encounter to be jealous haters who would MUCH rather hate everyone around them because they feel inadequate than do anything about trying to lift themselves, and those around them, up.

Normally because they’re so busy hating, they can’t really see much else. *sighs*

2. It seems like the very few female friends I have are all getting pregnant, married, or both! lol (sad world we live in when “both” isn’t an assumption)

3. And now that they’ve pushed the little suckers out, their heads are all up their baby’s bottoms…you’d swear that all they literally do is live, eat and sleep the kid(s). Which is all small babies really do anyway, besides shit, so why must I be subjected EACH TIME I talk to one of them about some new variation of one of those 4 things their baby has done that they think is positively FASCINATING?

You know, if every single time they called ME all I talked about what shitting all over myself and it getting into my hair, my odd sleeping habits, how much milk I do or don’t drink, and that yesterday while I was SURE I was gonna have a few close calls (like almost, but not ever actually, rolling off the bed) I did in fact continue living..they would probably stop talking to me…and they’d tell my other friends “you know, I don’t know what the hell is up with Ruby lately, but she’s really freaking weird nowadays!”

But yet the fact that I, unmarried, unpregnant, and childless, couldn’t really give a flying leap about such things, let alone on a daily basis for hours at a time, goes completely ignored. The one with the child gets to make the decision about what is and isn’t fascinating. And you know what? Even having never had the “joys” of having a child, I TOTALLY understand…so I give them their listening ear…I mean, I figure I’m gonna be equally as gay and annoying about it, so no matter HOW MUCH they don’t give a shit, I am SOOOO getting my payback come my time to shine lol.

But what really grinds my gears is that, after dominating the convo with diapers, and pee, and spit up and “cutest thing ever”s *rolls eyes* they can’t be bothered to focus for like 2 minutes on ANYTHING that would actually interest me. I don’t even mean my own life, which, by the way, is FASCINATING lol! Just anything but the baby, or baby related nonsense. Like, don’t you new moms think about ANYTHING else? I mean…EVER?

It drives me insane that just because someone decided to pop a kid out, it means that now suddenly they’ve been given free licence to be as inconsiderate and self centered and pig headed etc. etc. as they want. I’m not saying they have to actually care about anything else: after all, I am not even pretending I care even remotely about the baby details (for me, the extent of baby convo that would happen is: hey…the kid is alive still right? ya? Great! Did he/she learn how to say Auntie Jessica yet? No? K, well keep me posted!) .

What I am saying is that, much as I have to suck it up and plaster on a smile and pretend I really think the baby puke leaking out of the side of their “super original” baby’s mouth is cute, and that the pros and cons of bottle versus breast feeding is a very serious controversial issue that I am SO passionate about, they should also have to pretend to give a shit that I have a life and feelings and issues beyond their baby. I’m just saying. And let’s be serious here folks: its not like I have some easy peasy life right now: death in the family, hellion little sister, tough illness, pending surgery…I have some pretty big things going on. I mean, if you really think the fact that your baby went “bababababbabababa” is more important than me potentially DYING in a few weeks, then I seriously should be reconsidering why I bother speaking to you.

And here’s another thing: I understand COMPLETELY (seriously, I do) that your baby now takes precedence over everything. Which means, if I am mid sentence and they need ANYTHING I must wait patiently while you interrupt me and ignore me to take care of their needs. Fine. However, that does not give you the right to use that as a way of completely forgetting I was in the middle of sharing my deepest secret with you and then, as usual, switching the convo back to your baby and contentedly remaining on that topic until your baby’s crying creates so much noise that conversation is impossible and we’ve gotta disconnect. Listen, I finally got an opportunity to share, which I have desperately been wanting to do, and I’ve spent at least 95% of the time listening to your pointless baby blathering. PLEASE: can you NOT just have enough care and/or consideration to say something like “sorry about that, what were you saying?”, and then shut your yap for like 10 minutes while I finish? Or even, God forbid, jump in and actually have something to say about ME so I don’t always feel like I’m talking to a baby brick wall?

It occurs to me that perhaps I’m a bit bitter about the subject: perhaps it’s because I’m “at that age” now, and EVERYBODY is doing it, which leaves me feeling pretty isolated and completely unsupported and unheard. And, to be honest, left out. It’s not that I don’t want to care, it’s just that I don’t and I can’t. I don’t relate. But you know what? Those new moms can completely relate to me, because they’ve been in my position before. Which makes makes matters even worse, IMO. How can you really dare to make people feel as crappy as someone made you feel once upon a time? What are you, a sociopath? (Ok fine, so I’m feeling a little dramatic at the moment…but you get the point! lol). I seriously just don’t get why every single conversation we have must be 100% completely a waste of my time…smh sadly.

Maybe I’d be less…annoyed by these situations if I was a more happy, girly, cuddly kinda gal. I’m just not. Cooing at a baby gets real old, real fast for me. Like…30 seconds max and I’m wellllll done lol. And I am not a mushy, baby talk kinda chick. I don’t play imagination land. I don’t use dippy dumb voices to talk to small children because it entertains them. I just speak. They wanna play Wii or something, cool. Barbies, they can play with someone else. Want to sit beside me and watch a movie while not making too many comments that I won’t know how to properly respond to? I’m your gal! Want someone to dance to the Barney land song with you?? Pfffftttttt Good luck with that! Seriously, I’m not even playing. My sister is 10 years younger than me, and I just didn’t know what to do with her when I was a teenager…so whenever I wanted to spend time with her I’d bring a friend over so they could play with her and I could watch. Loved the kid to death but play time is just beyond me.

Thing is, people might see all this as a bad thing. Y’all might be wondering “Ruby, what the hell is wrong with you? Where’s your maternal instinct!!??!”. I have one, trust me. Ask anyone who truly knows me and they’ll tell you my goal in life is to take care of the ones I love. I just don’t do it by being all touchy feely and mooshy and sweet. That’s just not me. And I don’t ever WANT it to be me. I am seriously thinking that if being a mommy means I have to be one of “those” (described above lol) then maybe I should just adopt a grown child and avoid the whole turning into a douchey person and friend thing.

In conclusion, new moms and Ruby just don’t mix. I need to find some new friends. lol

And that is all for now, folks. I could go on and on and on…but I’m sick of thinking of this so called “baby brain” cop out…the more you think of it, the more you help it grow and thrive and become all consuming in the lives of the mothers you know and love.

FIGHT THE POWER!!!

Cheers