Don't Call Me Baby: Version 2.0

maybe in relationships you should wear one of these

As I write this, I am currently on my death bed (OK, so being sick makes me somewhat melodramatic :-p) and am unable to come up with an original idea to save my life. However, just the other week or so, I took one of my old posts, of the same title as this one, and I expanded on it to win a contest (I came in second place, which ain’t bad).  I decided it would be vaguely jerkish of me to come back on Wednesday and then disappear on Friday already. Sooo…Don’t Call Me Baby: The Uncut Extended Version is here to save the day!! Enjoy!

Oh, btw, I just wanted to share with you how irritating I find the term ‘baby’. Why is it that when two people get together they start calling each other ‘baby’ instead of by their actual names? I mean, an occasional ‘baby’ is fine, but all the time?!?!?. I think that laziness prevails and because one feels extremely comfortable with their partner their partners’ name is almost unimportant. All that matters is their position in their life, not who they are, or how that individual actually matters in their life. All that matters is that they are ‘baby’ and therefore play the role of ‘my baby’ in one’s life. I wish some book or magazine would come out with some advice as to how to avoid this ‘baby’ trap and thereby actually acknowledge one’s partner as anindividual whose individual personality and actions actually benefit one’s life.

Ok, obviously it could be some other equally identity-robbing terminology. One like “honey”, “sweetheart”, or even “love”. Seriously, I have even heard even more nauseating terms, things I wouldn’t even repeat here for fear the molasses-like thick, disgusting, syrupy lovey-doveyness travel straight through your eyes and somehow enter your blood stream, causing an automatic coronary from some type of diabetic overload. But the point isn’t WHAT nauseatingness people choose to engage in while totally erasing the “me” and morphing into the super-monster that is the “we”, but its the fact that it happens. And there are two different ways in which we can overkill TOE (Terms of endearment)…the first seems more annoying but is actually better for the individual. The second is when you know that your dear, dear friend has officially disappeared, and you can no longer tell them anything unless you intend for your secrets to be told to the “we”. Even if they swear that they’ll never tell a SOUL, nobody, cross-their-heart-and-hope-to-die (even if they include their mate in this promise) surely you couldn’t actually have thought they could keep anything from one another. Dude, they don’t even have NAMES anymore, they’re just the BAY to the others BEE!

Anyway, so the first is when they refuse to call each other anything other than their preffered TOE…but everytime they use said TOE they insist on making sure their voice raises about two octaves and become slightly mushy and annoying to listen to…much like when a preggo woman sees a baby and her eyes light up like you’re presenting her with a million dollars. You know what I’m talking about. You’re also quite positive once said TOE rears it’s ugly head that the sentence will end with an upward inflection, because apparently your friend has now magically morphed into a dumb valley girl (male or female, I don’t care, they’re now valley-girls. Remember, they no longer have a specific gender: their forfeited that along with their “me” status). This is certainly the most annoying phase, as I said, because it can be downright baffling to see or hear two otherwise very normal, intelligentpeople begin to baby-speak each other with those dumb smiles on their faces. You want to plug your ears at best, run and hide your head in a toilet and just begin flushing at worst, all to block the nonsense out. But you’re secretly jealous that you aren’t that in love. SO in love you don’t even care how much of a fool you make of yourself in front of your friends, because you’re not looking semi-retarded alone. Your BAY is right there with you!

The second is the most worrysome. This is the one that comes with zero cutesy-poo details. It’s seriously JUST a replacement for your name. Like you never owned one. Like you’re not a person outside of your relationship. Now, I would just like to take the time to say, don’t think I’m some jaded, bitter-azz girl who ain’t gettin’ no love, and feels the need to bash otherpeople in their happiness. Not at all. I am VERY happy in my relationship, and yes we “baby” each other, but on occassion, when the situation calls for it. More often than not, we address each other by our government names. I don’t call my bf’s nicknames usually, unless I find their given names to be too difficult for me to pronounce, or if I think I sound really stupid when I say it. But even if that’s the case, I won’t call you the generic nickname that everyone and their mother calls him. I want when I say his actual name (or some form of it) for it to sound, and be, special to him. He knows when he hears it it could only come from me. And vice versa.

And I’m sorry, but “baby” doesn’t cut it as a special name. It’s the absence of a name, the absence of an identity. At least when overused.People, learn some damn respect for your mates as individuals and learn their damn names. If you want to call them a cutesy-poo little TOE because you absolutely REFUSE to call them their actual name cause it’s just not cutesy-poo enough for you, for the love of God please pick a nickname that actually relates directly to him and has some personal meaning to the both of you. For example, I call my boo, at times, Mushy. And not just cause he can be a big mushy teddy-bear to me. And not just cause he has a little extra paddage around the middle. He knows exactly why I do it, and I’ve been doing it from practically day one. It started off as me teasing him (no, it doesn’t have anything to do with any part of his body being Mushy-and on a side-note, when making up a nickname for your mate please pick something they wouldn’t want to scratch your eyes out for. For example, your small-breasted gf will NOT go for being called BTB (barely training bra). Trust me on this) and now it brings a smile to both of our faces when I bring it up.

I mean, if you’re all good not being an actual person, not actually deserving respect, and never being anything more than half of a whole, by all means continue with the baby-as-your-name garbage. But if you just didn’t realize, maybe nows the time to take a look at this little facet of your love-life. And do something about it. *shrugs* Just saying. I was in a BAY-BEE relationship, and I can tell you one thing. One the surface it seemed great. Deeper down, we were stifling each other. Not intentionally, but how can you ever truly be free to grow and change and actualize your potential if you have to remain in this little semi-circle to continue complete your half so you can be somebody.

Just saying


4 thoughts on “Don't Call Me Baby: Version 2.0

  1. I actually love pet names esp “baby” LOL…I do hate it when a dude I don’t know calls me baby…ughh.

    But you make some interesting and good points that I have never thought about before….


  2. I dont know i like when a man feels all marshmallowy and just has to call me baby or honey. But I think I see where you are coming from and you make a good point with the personal names because that does make it more meaningful. Ive been there before and your right it did mean more and it did make us feel closer to each other


  3. Thanks Ladies for your feedback! I think you should both try the “personal touch” nickname test….if you can’t call them anything but baby, you’ve lost your sense of self, or can’t have it and be together…if you feel uncomfortable or can’t come up with a personalized nick name…that should tell you about just how close you’re not…


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