So this is my first wino post 101. Let me explain exactly what you’re in for. As an individual living in this cruel, cruel world, I occasionally give in to the pressure to cave in to my weaknesses and have a glass of wine or two. Or six. Simply because life can be a relatively shitty place to be, and since I have yet to find a cave on Mars in which I can comfortably close my eyes and plug my ears with my fingers while hiding under a rock, I need to have some kind of release that will let me be a little bit silly (and if we’re a little bit honest with ourselves, a wee bit mean too!!) and for once just ignore other people’s feelings and sing out a joyous “FUCK THE WORLD!!!!”, and hope that after all of my ranting that I still end up with at least one friend who is still on speaking terms with me.
SO THEN, lets begin. I start my misadventure with wacko stalker dude, the subject matter of my The Stuff Stalkers Are Made From post. He is not the beginning of my diagnonsense today, however, I feel he is a good jump off (OK, so, I realize that the term “jump-off” is used by guys to describe some type of female they encounter– 500 points to the first one who can give me the correct answer!!! p.s. I don’t actually know the answer so this prize shouldn’t be too hard to win! p.p.s Wonder what 500 points can buy you??) OK, so anyway, dude is with another 15 year old child, who is apparently his “girlfriends” friend, although they (yes, 28 year old Cody and jailbait KyeFeesha–ok not her real name, but who cares??? She’s 15!!!) were gonna go “chill” at Erin Mills TC, although when I asked him if his jailbait-serchin’ ass was honestly gonna do something that pathetic he said no after admitting it…and then admitted it after…..dude, seriously, pick a lie and stick to it!! We all know what it is–you’re gonna stick your dick up some teeny-bopper’s butt hole and you don’t wanna share the experience with friends! Trust, I didn’t wanna share with you either.
So, anyway, ever notice how what you tell your doctor can seriously effect the way they treat you, and how invested they seem to be in your recovery/diagnosis/treatment? For example, my old family Doc was good people, or so I thought, until she prescribed antidepressants to a family member of mine simply because they happen to be a transsexual. Doesn’t matter what I think of people’s sexuality….are you serious? This person has a medically diagnosed problem, a spinal disc that is degenerating and the only possible solution is either strong painkillers or an operation that will have a 90% rate of crippling anyone who undergoes it, and you decide that they’re real problem is that they prefer to have a vagina over a penis? Get real. You can argue until forever that tranny’s have serious psychological problems, or whatever bigottest bullshit, but at the end of the day, pain is pain. Give the person a goddamn T3. Just saying. Grow the *&#% up!!
But la creme de la creme is OSAP–> May they burn down and die. So, when they rate me as living at home with my parents, unemployed, and with no assets they give me just enough to pay my tuition I finally put my my foot down – no more would I settle for being underfunded while being over burdened. So I zealously apply myself to a funding appeal, and today, after all the fruits of my labour, I get the satisfaction I deserve – my initial $6,700 measly funding magically skyrockets into the humoungous amount of $5,200!!!! OMG!!! That 3 months was so worth it!! O mean, seriously, what is this, a new car? It automatically depreciates as soon as I drive it off of the lot? And then they complain that too many people are on social assistance.
And on top of that my boyfriend is being so super supportive and understanding (sarcasm anyone?), what with the way he totally decided to foresake me because he would rather have a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week perfectly happy, rich, successful woman by his side (OK, so maybe he didn’t actually say that in words, but I have decided for the time being that is exactly what he meant)
Oh well, I G2G b/c my “friend” is here (OK, my actual platonic friend who could never qualify as one of the dudes I would have to call a friend-with-brackets to one of my girls – but that’s not the point, remember? Wino Rant 101 doesn’t necessarily have to make any sense).
You think I should take my friend’s advice and wait to post this until tomorrow, after I have a chance to read it untipsyfied??
Well, if you’re reading this, you probably have realized I don’t take to advice to kindly LOL
5 thoughts on “Wino Post 101”
what is this thing about friends with brackets? first off, you should thank me for my patience..second, i guess kindness is weakness. and c… there is truth in drunk tslks…like, a drunk chick who says how crappy her relationship is, more than just a fling, what is your destintation?…. ..!., …
LOL wow, you can so tell you’re kinda drunk! I like, I like!
Intoxicated video blog coming next! 🙂
Wow, Cameron, at least I wasn’t drunk alone on Monday!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!
And Dewan, that sounds like an AWESOME idea, trust me, you would die laughing. DIE laughing :-p…buuut, just to be fair to you, since it was YOUR idea and all…
I think you should do yours first 😉